I've been feeling for quite some time what I can define as "midlife crisis" now in retrospect. It's difficult to single out exactly when and how it started, but it's clear by now that this definition captures my feeling. A small doubt about the meaning of what I do at this stage of mine life (excluding marriage) seems to have been triggered gradually indirectly by my marriage, its difficulties, my attempts to struggle with them, and my concomitant soul search has grown into such a big one that I can neither ignore nor silent it any more.
This growing doubt mainly concerns one specific area of my life in which, unlike all the other areas, I've never had any doubt since I was about 20. As I (hopefully) awake spiritually little by little, I've started feeling slowly but surely that the purpose I set for myself in this area of my life about 34 years ago has been ceasing to have enough relevance and meaning for me.
Recently I've decided to pursue the path of "conscious transformation", so to speak, to update myself, bearing mainly this specific area of my life in mind. With the help of some amazing guide I stumbled upon some time ago I've just taken the first step of my new journey - visioning a newly updated purpose. I myself still don't know what road is waiting for me.