Ignorance of Ignorance

If you don't know what you don't know, how can you become aware of your ignorance as the first step to knowing what you don't know? And if you see someone else who doesn't know what he doesn't know, how can you help him become aware of his ignorance?

It's by sheer divine grace that I woke up from my sleep state about six years ago as a result of hitting the rock bottom in my life. Until then I wasn't aware I had been asleep. The more I woke up slowly but steadily, the more people around me, including my friends, acquaintances, and colleagues, I found who were asleep and unaware of this state of theirs.

Since then I've left academia, where I spent almost 30 years, to take upon myself a professional mission to help others wake up through the teachings of Chabad Chassidus, which I was lucky enough to encounter at the first stage of my spiritual awakening six years ago.

But I've been struggling with the challenge of this ignorance of ignorance by my potential clients, first in Israel, then in a new place I relocated to about four months ago. I haven't found any magical formula yet for breaking this vicious circle.

I've also started experiencing the same problem, mostly in my private life, after each of the two subsequent waves of my awakenings in two other areas. In these areas I've already given up the idea of helping others wake up as this has nothing to do with my income.

When someone who doesn't know what he doesn't know starts accusing me of my view in these areas that is incomprehensible and repulsive to him, I've already learned to simply walk away from him in silence not only figuratively but even physically sometimes without even trying to explain to him but with compassion for them. I also try to remain as humble and non-judgemental as possible.

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Dwindling Possibiliy of Returning to Jerusalem after Completing the Present Personal Mission

Since I left Jerusalem at the end of September after living there for about 24 years in total, I've been asking myself if I can return there to live there after completing the present personal mission somewhere in the diaspora. I'm becoming more and more pessimistic about this possibility.

The main reason for this is a practical one - money. To be more precise, I'm afraid that the monthly pension I'm supposed to receive from the age of 67 from my personal pension fund through my former employer isn't enough to live in Jerusalem, especially in the same neighborhood where I lived for 19 years.

At least in relative terms my monthly pension isn't bad at all, especially in view of the fact that I only worked for 16 years in the university without waiting for the official retirement age. For this I'm grateful to my former emplorer. Right before I left Israel I was shocked to discover that the husband of someone I studied with 30 years ago worked as a doctor in a hospital for about 35 years and will receive more or less the same amount as I.

In addition to this "negative" reason, so to speak, I also have one "positive" reason for not returning to Jerusalem and spend the last chapter of my life in the present reincarnation there. I feel that I've already realized the dream of living in Jerusalem - the dream I started to have after spending five years as a PhD student at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem. It took me about ten years to return to Jerusalem. There is one city I've been dreaming of living in.

Actually, I made a short visit to this "dream city" of mine at the beginning of July before leaving Jerusalem. I wanted to check how I would feel there after six years of absence. I also wanted to make sure that I hadn't been idealizing the city. To make a long story short, I fell in love with the city anew. On the one hand, I enjoyed every moment I spent there, but on the other hand, I was so sad as I couldn't remain there as I already knew I had to go on my personal mission somewhere else.

Anyway, I'm more and more inclined to this option of trying something Iv'e never trying. I also have a few other reasons for wanting to try this option, but they are too complicated and too personal to share with you here.

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The First Professional Lectures and the First Private Lesson in the New Place

It's about three months since I came to this new place for some personal mission with public implications, the most important of which is my educational initiative to transform darkness into light.

This week I finally took the first step in this direction - perhaps a small step for others in absolute terms but a big one for me in relative terms - I taught the first lecture of each of the two courses I had planned as part of this educational initiative. I don't have many students yet, but I thought - and still think - it more important to start than to wait until I have enough students.

The two courses, both of which are based on the teachings of Chabad Chassidus, are commentaries of the Pentateuch by Rabbi Yitzchak Ginsburgh, who is the teacher of my former teachers in Jerusalem, and positivity bias according to Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson, the seventh rebbe of Chabad.

I was especially touched to see a junior high school student as one of my students in the second course with his father. He was rather shy during this first lecture, but his father told me later that his son burst into talking in excitement right after the lecture. Those seeds of positivity I shared with them in this first lecture are just the tip of an iceberg, but I've already sensed anew that "a little light dispels a lot of darkess" as Rabbi Shneur Zalman of Liadi, the founder of Chabad, said.

I also had another, no less important, first-time experience this week. I finally had my first private lesson in my most favorite language, Russian! I found my new private teacher in a local Russian course. Somehow I sensed intuitively that she must be an excellent teacher even before I took part in one lesson of hers in this course at a local culture school for adults. My intuition was correct. Right after this lesson I asked her to be my private teacher, and to my joy, she agreed on the spot.

I wanted to improve my practical skill of Russian in speaking and writing not only for its own sake as I love this language so much that I even consider it as one of the two daily spiritual nourishments but also for some practical purpose.

While waiting for this first private lesson for almost two months, I corresponded with her in Russian, which has already helped me a lot. I've been pleasantly surprised to discover through this correspondence that we also seem to share the same ideas about spirituality, Western mainstream media and geopolitics - the three areas in which I've experienced awakenings.

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Pleasure of a Bath and Natural Hot Springs

By following the recommendation by my "sponsor" here I've started to taking a bath every weekday in the evening instead of only taking a shower, probably for the first time in many years. In the past 19 years of living in Jerusalem I couldn't take a bath simply because this was technically impossible. Now I realize what I missed all these years.

In the meanwhile I've stumbled upon a couple of professional articles on the benefits of taking a bath. Regardless of these medical benefits I simply enjoy this old new daily habit. It fascilitate my shift from work to sleep via this habit and a daily practice of yoga. This pleasure is first and foremost physical, but also affects my mental and emotional wellbeing. Physical relazation leads to mental and emotional relaxation.

I enjoy taking a bath so much that I've even started visiting a natural indoor hot spring I've found at the distance of a 50-minute ride by bus or a 30-minute by train from where I've been given where to stay for free. For a couple of practical reasons I can only afford this pleasure once a month. The day of this monthly visit has already become a special day for me.

I enjoy this natural indoor hot spring so much that I made a spontaneous decision yesterday to visit a natural outdoor hot spring I've found in the same region. In spite of the weather and its isolated location it was full of visitors, including many from other countries. I can't express verbally even one hundredth of the pleasure I had yesterday in this special outdoor hot spring that seems to be known not only in the region but also in the whole country and even beyond.

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