Prisoners Who Are Unaware That They Are Imprisoned

It is often said that awareness of a problem is half a solution. In other words, if we are unaware of a problem we have, we have a bigger problem.

I don't think those who are in a physical prison are unaware that they are imprisoned. But when it comes to a mind-made prison, there seem to be many prisoners who are unaware that they are imprisoned.

Let me illustrate this with something funny I either heard from someone or am quoting myself. ;-) When the world looks dirty to you, there are three possibilities: 1) the world is really dirty; 2) your glasses are dirty; 3) both the world and your glasses are dirty. ;-)

Mind-made prisons can be created by others or by ourselves. The former include, for example, various types of propaganda, whether political, religious, etc. It is also often said that if those who are being propagandized are unaware that they are being propagandized, this is a sign that the propaganda works most efficiently.

But much more subtle and problematic are mind-made prisons of the second type. They include, for example, various kinds of mental labeling of other people and ourselves. This last type seems the most subtle and problematic of all mind-made prisons. This is also known as self-deception.

Now a meta-problem is how to deal with those who have this problem. One thing I know from my own experience on both sides is that it is often a waste of time to try to convince such people. This can only arouse or increase their animosity toward us.

So what do I do now, for example, when they try to challenge me, often unconsciously? I simply stay silent or walk away from them in silence, whether literally or figuratively. I have learned the hard way to prioritize being calm over being right.

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Shift from Receiving to Giving (and Beyond)

In retrospect, when I still worked in academia, my focus was on receiving - positive peer reviews, recognition from colleagues, reputation, tenure, higher academic rank, more income, etc. I don't think any of these was one of the main reasons for my decision to become a researcher. But once inside academia, I gradually internalized these values until I came to take them for granted.

I felt the first glimmer of my instinctive desire for giving when I experienced firsthand what helped me overcome a life challenge that had seemed daunting. I was so impressed by this help that I felt like giving it to others who might be struggling with the same or other life challenges.

This help was Jewish life coaching, which I received together with other frum Jewish men back in Jerusalem. It also helped me identify my life mission for the first time. A life mission is what we came into this world for, and it is something unique that each of us can give to the world.

This realization was truly life-changing for me. It didn't take me long to realize that what I was doing in academia was not even a means of fulfilling this life mission. A couple of months after this additional realization, I found myself submitting a letter of resignation to the university where I worked.

But I had a heavy price to pay in exchange for what seemed like spiritual liberation: the loss of financial stability. Of course, I feared how I would survive the next twelve years as an independent Jewish life coach and teacher of Jewish life wisdom until reaching the official retirement age in Israel. But the fear of spending those twelve years doing something that had stopped resonating with me was much greater than the fear of losing financial stability.

I spent the next eight years in constant fear of financial instability. I even experienced standing at the edge of a bridge several times. But each time, some rescue appeared out of nowhere at the very last moment.

My last experience of standing there was this April. I didn't know how to make ends meet. Then, through an unbelievable chain of events, I discovered that it would be financially worthwhile to start withdrawing my Israeli pension now, four years before the official retirement age. Last month I regained my financial stability, which, I soon realized, has enabled me to focus more on giving to others. This happened so suddenly that I am still trying to digest it and understand its implications.

When my focus was still on receiving, especially money for survival, I wasn't aware that giving consists of many factors. I soon realized that giving indiscriminately can often do more harm than good. I've learned the hard way that I need to learn what to give to whom, how much, when, where, and how.

This is my new life challenge. Almost every day I learn something new that I couldn't have learned when my focus was still on receiving. And these daily lessons are what I receive now as a giver.