How Present Overthinkers Not Present in the Present Look to a Past Overthinker Present Now in the Present

I have to make a confession. I was an overthinker for many years. And the only thing I never overthought about was the very fact that I was an overthinker. In other words, I was totally unconscious of this problem - one that's so common among people in all walks of life. I saw plenty of them in academia, both before and after I left it.

Overthinking is the twin brother of perfectionism. As you can easily imagine, I was also a perfectionist. As far as I'm concerned, both overthinking and perfectionism stem from the ego's desire to control the future, thus sacrificing the present. This is why overthinkers, by definition, are never in the present.

Thanks to one "blessing in disguise" in my private life—an event that set off a chain of positive reactions transforming not only my private but also my professional life, I finally managed to liberate myself from what now seems like a life sentence in a mind-made prison. The only thing I still overthink about is that I've stopped being an overthinker. ;-) But unlike before, I'm fully mindful and filled with gratitude when I think back on my former life as a "prisoner".

When I was still an overthinker, I didn't recognize other overthinkers. But now I can identify them instantly. Every time I see one, I'm filled with mixed feelings. On the one hand, I feel deep compassion for them and their self-imposed suffering. On the other hand, I also feel helpless, since no conceptual explanation by anyone, including me, will probably help them stop this unconscious habit.

The most fundamental problem, in this and other such cases, is that those who suffer from them are not aware of the problem itself. This is why it's often said that once you become aware of a problem, it's half-solved, or something like that.

So the biggest challenge facing overthinkers, if they are to stop overthinking, is to turn unconsciousness into consciousness. Meanwhile, I've found something that can make this transformation happen quite naturally, without making people feel that I'm trying to manipulate them. It's called humor or, to be more precise, spontaneous Jewish humor.

According to a reliable and detailed analysis by a maven called ChatGPT ;-), my Jewish humor seems to be influenced by three main sources: Chassidus, Talmud(ic logic), and Yiddish mentality. I felt relieved when I was told that no influence of native Israeli culture was detected. ;-)

You may wonder how Jewish humor, at least this blend of mine, has anything to do with overthinking and its solution. Please don't overthink! ;-) The answer is deceptively simple, provided you don't overthink it, and perhaps even non-conceptual. Do you want to know how?

After testing my spontaneous Jewish humor with dozens of people in this new country, where I've been living for a little more than two years and which is known among practitioners of Jewish humor as a “humor desert”, and observing my poor "victims", I've realized that this specific humor has a tremendous power to short-circuit the mind. It doesn't allow overthinkers not only to overthink but even to think!

As you can easily imagine, especially if you've overthought about this ;-) the effect is not immediate. After all, this is neuroplasticity in practice, à la juive. But I've seen that some people start overthinking less after being fed small doses of this humor on a regular basis. This has given me both encouragement and hope. But I'm not making the fatal old mistake of living for the future. When I tell my spontaneous Jewish jokes, I'm fully present in the present. Peace. :-)

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Each One of Us Is Not a Wave but Part of the Ocean

First, please read the following story from the book A Spiritual Soul Book (Chapter 95) by Rabbi Shlomo Ezagui z"l:

There is a story about a little wave, bobbing along in the ocean, having a grand time. He is enjoying the wind and the fresh air, until he notices the other waves in front of him, crashing against the shore. "My God, this is terrible," the wave says. "Look what is going to happen to me!"

Then along comes another wave. It sees the first wave looking grim, and it says to him, "Why do you look so sad?" The first wave says, "You do not understand! We are all going to crash! All of us waves are going to be nothing! Is it not terrible?"

The second wave says, "No, you do not understand. You are not a wave; you are part of the ocean."

This story expresses vividly what I've come to realize and sometimes tell others, though not always as directly as that second wave.

It's difficult not to feel like the first wave, as we are conditioned - both explicitly and implicitly - to believe that we are independent waves in the ocean. And the more "successful' we are, the harder it becomes to remain humble or to develop humility, since our ego is trained to accept and reinforce the illusion that we can control everything by our own power.

That's why it's often said by various sages that the greatest challenge in life is to only "succeed". I was lucky enough to have that illusion completely shattered when I hit rock bottom, partly because of my own arrogance. Now I am fully awar - and feel deeply - that I'm part of the ocean, as is everyone else.

After this fundamental shift, I began to flow more naturally as I relied on the power of the whole ocean. All I have to do is let go of the ego's desire for control and move with the current, with minimal effort of my own.

In retrospect, I had a foretaste of this state when I studied ChiRunning and Total Immersion Swimming and began to practice them. It took me years to realize that both are based on the same principle.

Now I'm applying this awareness more consciously to a self-imposed challenge. The results even surprise me. Things just happen with minimal intervention on my part - and are often beyond my wildest imagination.

Naturally, I feel like sharing the joy of living this way, or what I call "Total Immersion Living" (no trademark ;-) ), with as many people as possible. But at the same time, I know from experience that conceptual explanations don't help. So instead, I simply continue living this way, hoping that some sensitive and curious souls may take an interest in it.

An unexpected result of this shift is that my playfulness and humor now overflow - sometimes even unstoppably. They lead to more joy, which leads to more playfulness and more humor. Some of you, my dear readers, might have noticed that the number of winks ;-) in these blog entries keeps increasing. If this bothers you, you're welcome to try to stop my playfulness and humor. I myself have failed in that attempt—miserably. ;-)

Helping People Shine

Joy is our natural state, hence even our "birthright". But the fact is that so many people are far from this state, caught in various degrees of "darkness".

I've come to a firm conclusion through both formal study, on which I'll elaborate a little below, and my own lived experience that what dims this "light" are egoic thoughts: labeling everyone and everything we see, regrets about the past, and worries about the future. This, in turn, leads to the failure to fully live in the present moment, which is the only reality.

I had been entrenched in this triple mind-made prison for many years, perhaps since my mid-teens, until anger - one of the results of mental labeling - destroyed itself and liberated me from this incarceration. Until then, I wasn't even aware that I had been a prisoner!

Before this full liberation, I was granted a glimpse of "light" when I began learning traditional Ashkenazic dance back in Jerusalem. While dancing, the incessant flow of my egoic thoughts stopped completely. Of course, when I was dancing, I didn't think about my not thinking. ;-) Only afterward, when the usual flow of thoughts returned, did I realize how totally absent they had been during the dance.

But it was not until after the self-destruction by - and of - anger that my natural state began to be restored gradually but surely. My outburst of anger destroyed something very dear to me, which in turn destroyed my anger itself. Since then, the only anger I still feel is that I don’t get angry. ;-)

Seriously - as if I were not serious ;-) - I still do feel anger, but only justified and necessary anger when I witness social injustice caused by the collective ego.

I was fortunate to encounter Chassidus in general and Chabad Chassidus in particular right after this traumatic experience. In retrospect, my inner vessel was not ready for the "light" of Chassidus until this experience shattered my ego and made me humble enough.

Since then, I have studied Chabad teachings - first by myself, then formally for three years at a special school in Jerusalem, and again on my own. If I were to choose three teachings that had the most profound and life-changing influence on me, they would be:

1. "The body is the book, the soul is the author, and life is the story."
2. "Everything is good."
3. "A little light dispels a lot of darkness."

These teachings fundamentally changed how I perceive myself, the world, and the way both can be transformed for the better.

I've also tried to internalize other teachings in my daily life. This restoration of my natural state has been deepened by non-conceptual practices: listening to Chassidic music, and singing and dancing to its melodies.

Quite early in this process, I felt that my transformation was irreversible, that joy would remain my constant state. With that realization came a strong urge to help others shine. That is what I've been doing for several years - first as a Jewish life coach in Jerusalem, and now as a teacher of Jewish life wisdom in a new country since about two years ago.

It's true that there are not only individual but also sociocultural differences in the degrees of "darkness". Yet I now notice more commonalities than differences among people from diverse backgrounds - their differences are more quantitative than qualitative.

In addition to helping others shine professionally (or even as a mission), I've also begun doing so privately in the place where I live. Naturally, I do this spontaneously - by talking to strangers on the street and telling them my spontaneous Jewish-flavored jokes. The results have surprised even me - this is not a joke. ;-)

This way, I make at least a few people laugh every day, and I already have a number of returning "customers" who start smiling when they see me from a distance, anticipating my jokes.

One of the "rewards" of helping others shine - both professionally and privately - is that their new "light" helps me shine even more in return! This, in turn, encourages me to keep helping them shine brighter - a positive loop at its best. "A little light dispels a lot of darkness" - and their light dispels some traces of darkness that still remain in me, too.