Reappreciating the Depth and Breath of Jewish Life Wisdom

I still can't forget what I experienced about a month ago in what I now clearly see as a small "pond". Last August, I was invited to join this "pond" after several months of acquaintance, and almost immediately afterward I was invited to take part in a three-month "challenge" program within it, without knowing much about it. I agreed to join both mainly in order to take myself out of my comfort zone.

This "challenge" program was meant to have participants obtain five "candles" within three months. These "candles" were said to grant a "special status" within the "pond", which in turn was said to provide certain "privileges".

This "special status" had already begun to seem worthless outside this "pond" to someone like me, who had even stopped seeing any intrinsic value in a PhD outside another "pond" called academia. So I did not regret ending the program without a single "candle".

Nevertheless, I was curious to ask someone who already had this "special status" to explain to me, at the end of the program, what she considered its most important "privilege". She replied, "This gives me access to exclusive content."

I could only giggle when I heard this, wondering what "exclusive content" could possibly mean in such a "pond". Then I replied to her, "Really? I have free access to a three-thousand-year-old library of Jewish life wisdom."

I noticed from her expression that this reply made her instinctively sense a fundamental difference between her "exclusive content" and the vast "ocean" in which I have been navigating freely.

Ironically, it was precisely through this contrast that I was able to reappreciate what I had long taken for granted: the depth and breath of Jewish life wisdom.

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Doors That Refuse to Open Often Lead to Better Ones

I have lived long enough to realize - not conceptually, but as lived experience, and more than once, both professionally and personally - that doors that refused to open have often led me to better ones, sometimes far beyond my wildest imagination. In short, this has consistently been redirection rather than rejection.

The most striking professional redirection occurred when all my applications for academic positions in areas not closely aligned with my PhD specialization were rejected for ten years. This continued until I was invited by one of the leading scholars in my own field of expertise, who had also become my academic mentor after my PhD supervisor passed away prematurely, to teach at the very department where I later worked.

I remain deeply indebted not only to her but also to that institution for having enabled me to live without financial worries and to pursue my academic interests for sixteen years, even though I ultimately decided to leave both the institution and my professional occupation in languages and linguistics full ten years before the official age of retirement.

The most unforgettable personal redirection was how my totally unexpected and sudden divorce eventually turned out to be a blessing - indeed, blessings - in disguise. Please don't misunderstand me. This doesn't mean that I wanted to get divorced. On the contrary, I did everything imaginable to save the marriage, albeit in vain.

With hindsight, I'm even grateful to her for her courageous decision to leave me because I could not have been liberated otherwise from the prison of my egoic mind - a prison that caused incessant headaches not only to her but also to many others around me. I don't believe she intended to do me any favor with her decision. Nevertheless, the outcome was exactly that.

In light of these two experiences, as well as several earlier and less dramatic ones, I was able to remain serene when I encountered yet another series of closed doors during a three-month challenge program involving four other challengers and our respective supporters.

By the end of that program at the end of December, all four of the other challengers attained the goal prescribed by the program. I did not. Yet it was precisely through this apparent "failure" that I was redirected toward something utterly unimaginable to all of us, myself included. The door that finally opened for me at the very end rendered that original goal completely irrelevant.

Ultimately, those earlier redirections are what led me to this very challenge program in the first place, and that program, in turn, led me to this unimaginable door. In other words, closed doors at different stages and in different contexts of my life seem, so to speak, to have conspired with one another.

Why I Can't Connect Deeply with Those Who Are Unable to Have Written Dialogues

Structural linguistics claims that spoken language is primary and written language secondary, while sociolinguistics views them as two distinct entities that influence each other in complex ways. From the perspective of communication - and as far as I am concerned - speaking and writing complement each other.

The typical form of speaking, excluding prepared speeches, is a spontaneous and therefore synchronous mode of communication, while the typical form of writing, excluding instant messaging, is a contemplative and therefore asynchronous mode. This means, again as far as I am concerned, that if I communicate with someone only through speech, I encounter only one mode of their communication, while the other remains hidden.

Though I love spontaneous spoken interactions, I value written dialogues no less, especially when corresponding with someone who can express spontaneous thoughts and feelings at length and in a meaningful way that naturally elicits my response.

What I find equally important about such written dialogues is that they require us, first and foremost, to engage in inner dialogues. Contemplating our own thoughts and feelings and formulating them in writing makes these thoughts and feelings clearer not only to others but also to ourselves.

As a result, I have come to realize that many people who lack this habit tend to express their thoughts and feelings less clearly even in speaking than those who cultivate it. This is also why, in retrospect, almost all the meaningful relationships I have had - romantic or otherwise - have been grounded in such written dialogues, allowing me to connect deeply with others through two complementary modes of communication.