2013-08-30

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde inside me

I keep repeating the same mistake of writing emotional (mostly aggressive and sarcastic) email messages in the evening after supper, when I also drink wine. It is known that we tend to be more emotional in the evening, and wine certainly makes us even more emotional. In face-to-face communication I can control myself well enough, but when it comes to email, I seem to be drifted away so easily by emotions in the evening, especially after drinking wine.

I often find it very difficult to reread in the next morning what I wrote in the evening, as I sound very aggressive, saying things I would not dare to say in other occasions. This does not mean that I did not think that way. The difference is whether I say or nor what I think. For this lack of self-control, I started to impose upon myself a new rule of closing my email program before supper and not reopening it afterward until next morning. But it sometimes happens that I have to reopen it when I am expecting important and urgent work-related messages, then I also notice other messages, to which I often find myself replying emotionally.

I am not sure anymore which is my real personality, "Dr. Jekyll" or "Mr. Hyde", or probably both. Certain people who have never met me probably know me only as "Mr. Hyde" if the only chance to judge me was from my aggressive and sarcastic email messages written in the evening. As "Dr. Jekyll" now in the morning I am also afraid that "Mr. Hyde", who often collaborates with wine and takes control of me in the evening, has already caused irreversible damage to my reputation in certain circles. What is done is done, but "Dr Jekyll" inside me does not know what he can do with "Mr. Hyde" inside me in the future.