The most important discovery I made about myself when I received group coaching as a client two years ago is that I was trapped in a prison made by my egoic mind, reacting mindlessly and emotionally to so many people and their verbal and nonverbal behaviors, thus destroying my relationships with many of them. Since then I've imposed upon myself the tasking of liberating myself from this mental prison as much as possible.
I've spent this week asking myself when I (still) react mindlessly and emotionally after two years of systematic self-work in order to prepare myself for the start of the coach training program this Wednesday evening by the school where I received group coaching as a client two years ago.
When I started asking myself this question, I had some illusion that I had tamed my egoic speech and action, but it didn't take me a long time to find myself reacting mindlessly and emotionally to one of my most sensitive "buttons" that might have remained dormant to be pressed and activated.
This button I've rediscovered concerns food hygiene. Many people in Israel, whether they are sellers or buyers, touch, examine and take bread with their bare hands, which are often visibly dirty enough. So when I buy unpacked bread, I take all the necessary precautionary measures so that cashiers may not touch my bread with their bare hands. Early this week I had the "privilege" of encountering a cashier who was quick enough. I found myself yelling at him for his "barbaric" act.
I spent the rest of the week, asking myself the same question and observing my own thought, speech and action mindfully. Unfortunately, I've recognized at least a few more mindless and emotional reactions of mine, though only in thought and not in speech and action. The most significant type of reactions is that I still remain judgemental, though much less than before, especially toward three types of behaviors: 1) naively looking for instant gratifications from others by bragging about oneself; 2) ignoring sincere questions by others; 3) failing to express gratitude when it seems due.
Fortunately, however, this judgementality of mine remains in thought and doesn't translate into speech and action as before. In the meanwhile I don't seem to be able to do anything else other than accepting the fact that I can be judgemental. This acceptance is at least non-judgemental toward my own thought and is also a rather significant progress for me in the past two years.