Which do you think is more important for a meaningful life, intellect or emotions, or cognitive intelligence (IQ) or emotional intelligence (EQ)? You are welcome to use not only your intellect but also your emotions to answer this question. ;-)
Many of you may have concluded not only cognitively but also experientially that the latter is far more important. This is also what is widely accepted by mavens.
I want to ask you another, far more difficult question: What does it mean to have higher emotional intelligence? Again, you are welcome to use not only your intellect but also your emotions to answer this question. ;-)
Let me "shock" you by sharing what I learned from a Chabad rabbi who based his teaching on the Tanya, the "Written Torah of Chassidus." According to this teaching, having higher emotional intelligence means that intellect controls emotions.
At first glance this may sound like cold suppression, but the Tanya means something else entirely. Here is how I understand it.
"Intellect controls emotions" means that the intellect of your higher self (also called the "Divine soul" in the Tanya, or simply the soul) guides emotions. This intellect shapes the emotions of this higher self, such as love and awe, which then regulate the emotions of your lower self (the "animal soul" in the Tanya, or the ego).
Lower emotional intelligence shows an inverted hierarchy, like a pyramid turned upside down. The emotions of the ego seize control and shape the intellect of the ego, which then suppresses the intellect of the soul.
Let's take anger as an example of an emotion of the ego. If your emotional intelligence is low, anger hijacks everything. If your emotional intelligence is high, the intellect of the soul reframes, compassion and patience emerge, and anger is tamed.
I've experienced both directions personally. As you can easily imagine, I first experienced the first one. In my case, anger led me to rock bottom, which then "destroyed" my ego. My outburst dealt a "fatal blow" to everything I thought was "me", which turned out to be illusions of the ego. When I stopped resisting this "blow" and began accepting this "destruction", everything started to change for the better.
Since then I've learned that this isn't one decisive victory but a lifelong process. The only way for the intellect of the soul to "win" is by winning the battle again and again, every moment anew.
This struggle itself is not failure but the essence of a meaningful life. Balancing intellect and emotions isn't about perfection, but about choosing, moment by moment, which part of you will lead.
This is what I've learned the hard way. In retrospect, hitting rock bottom was a blessing in disguise because it made me humble enough to open myself to - and absorb - the teachings of Chassidus in general, and the Tanya in particular.
The ego, like your spouse, trains your soul's muscles by making life difficult. ;-)