Life as a Matrix

Having read and contemplated about life in general and my life in particlar and having had direct experiences quite intensively in the past several months, I've come to realize that the majority of us, including myself, are actually trapped in a deep complex matrix controlled by our mind dominated by our personal ego, which in turn was programmed by the collective ego of our society. I also have to agree with the characterization of modern mainstream society as an amusement part for the ego to distract us from looking inward.

After this realization I've also come to what distractions trap the majority of people (and used to trap me until quite recently). Small-scale distractions such as playing computer games and checking results of sport games must be obvioues to enough people as wastes of time. But more subtle and cunning are large-scale distractions, including not only all kinds of ideologies, whether political, cultural, linguistics, etc. (such as leftism, rightism, academism, Hebraism, Yiddishism, Esperantism, etc.) but even family and career. Many people wouldn't consider these large-scale distractions as such and might even equate them with their life purposes, which shows the depth and complexity of the matrix.

I'm neither able nor ready to force my perspective on anyone else, but on the other hand, I'm neither able nor ready to have anyone else force theirs on me. When a few old friends of mine did this to me rather recently, I had to walk away from them. It makes me so sad to see someone who was especially close to me trapped deeply in such a large-scale distraction and seeminly unaware of this.

Unfortunately, I can't say how life outside this matrix looks like, but fortunately, I've had very short-lived sporadic glimpses of it in the past several months. After such an experience there is no way back. I'll continue this hardly trodden path to escape the matrix, if not completely, even by paying the price of being and feeling isolated in the mainstream society.

Quite expectedly, few of those with whom I'm in touch, perhaps except for my spiritual mentor, whith whom I study once a week, seem to understand me and this transformation of mine. I for one can't help feeling more and more keenly how strange what occupy them in life are though, again, I'm not trying to force my new perspective on any of them.