I'm in the middle of my fifth seemingly endless tunnel. When I was in the middle of each of the four previous similar tunnels, I wondered if I would see the light at the end of tunnel. And before I dared to start digging each of them, I hesitated a lot as they were either almost or complemetely unprecedended not only in my own life but also in those of others around me. It took me around ten years to finish digginng these four seemingly endless tunnels and see the light of day.
The present one seems quite different from the previous four in nature. It depends too much on external, rather than internal, factors. I could continue digging the first four eternally without my life seriously damaged by not seeing the light of day, but this time I can't continue digging the tunnel further.
The simplest choice is to stop digging it completely now. But having invested so much time, energy and money in the preparation and process, I don't want to give up so easily though I've been digging for about four years.
I've decided instead to continue digging this tunnel with less investment of time and energy than before and start digging a new parallel tunnel. This new parallel tunnel, though far more conventional, also seems quite scary. Naturally, there is no guarantee that I'll be able to finish digging this one, either.
When I was in the middle of struggling with each seemingly endless tunnel, I also wondered what could be more difficult. But each time I finished dinning it and starting digging the next one, I was pleasantly surprised every time anew that the next one was even more difficult. The present one, if not the new parallel one, seems the most difficult of all.
Strangely, I'm not so scared - or I'm scared that I'm not scared enough - in spite of all the difficulties. I'm more scared to think how my life would have been if I hadn't decided to dig any of these life-changing tunnels. I can say at least about the first four that without daring to start digging them regardless of the respective desired outcome my life would have been less meaningful as I must have lost precious opportunities to know the so-called unknown of the unknown, that is, through this process I could learn important life lessons I hadn't know I hadn't known [this repetition is not a typo].
I have no idea how and when I'll be able to get out of this fifth and new parallel tunnels, but if I do, I'm sure that this will become priceless asset for the rest of my life.