I feel I'm at one of the most important crossroads in my life now. I thought my vision quest, from which I returned two weeks ago, had given me clarity and had made me make one important decision.
But I see that my heart (or my soul?) and my mind still seem to collide about one choice that will have a far-reaching influence on the rest of my life in this physical world. My rational mind has been telling me that this choice is absurd and unrealistic and I shouldn't make it. But I also hear another inner voice which says the exact opposite.
Some spiritual teachings say that when heart and mind collide, we should follow the former, while Chabad Hasidism, for example, teaches that the latter should control the former. If I were sure that the collision is between heart and mind, I would follow the teaching of Chabad Hasidism and forget about this fateful choice.
The problem is that I'm not sure if this inner voice that is becoming stronger and stronger day by day comes from my heart or my soul. The voice of the soul is also known as intuition. When intuision and intellect collide, I've come to follow the former. And this is exactly how I decided to make my vision quest rather spontaneously.
Now I recall that actually I was faced with a similar dillema nearly 20 years ago. Back then the solution was very simple. Not following the voice of my heart (or my soul?) was not an option as the voice of my mind came to a dead end.
This time the situation is far more complicated. But I feel the voice of my mind is coming to a dead end again and I may be left with no choice but to make this choice.
One thing I know is that since I returned from my vision quest two weeks ago, I can't stop thinking of the "destination" of this choice. In a sense I'm already living it though only in my imagination so far.