For the first time I'm starting to realize how precious something is I might have to give up as part of one enormous challenge I've been facing in life. This is something that must be only second to life in its preciousness to me. And the previous challenge I faced in life about five years ago is dwarfed in comparison with the present challenge.
It's almost 20 years since I got this precious thing by struggling for about ten years. But to my folly, I've taken it for granted and never appreciated it enough. I'm sure that many people will be ready to sacrifice many other precious things for this privilege.
The struggle I've been facing in order not to give it up is accelerating even day by day. I also have to get over my almost daily templation to give up this struggle as nothing I've tried so far has worked.
What helps me get over this constant templation is not only my newly awakended strong desire not to lose this precious thing but also my confidence that this challenge is meant for my spiritual growth just like olives must be squeezed so that oil may be extracted from them as one famous Chabad rabbi I admire teaches.