It's said that emotions can be classified into two main types - love-based and fear-based ones. Unfortunately, my emotions, especially automatic ones, still remail largely fear-based though I've been trying to rewire them consciously into love-based ones.
Suffering from OCPD, my strongest and most frequent fear-based emotion used to be anger, especially when I was under the influence of alcohol, which I've decided to quit completely, even on Jewish Sabbaths and festivals. I don't remember experiencing fear itself, especially for such a prolonged period of time.
After I quit drinking alcohol, my anger seems to have been replaced with fear, and such intense fear at that. There is one place I have to visit on a regular basis. For a number of reasons I've come to emotionally distance myself from it gradually but steadily, but I had never been afraid of it, until this week I visited it again after an absence of some short while, I was overwhelmed with such intense fear of this place (and everything it symbolizes for me). When I had to approach its "core", I felt as if my heart would explode because of fear. Since then I've been experiencing the same fear of this place every time I think of the next visits I'll have to make there.
I thought becoming aware of the fear by writing about it might be a good first step to managing or even conquering it. But I simply don't know what I can do further except for stop visiting this place, which I can't do immediately. I've never experienced such intense fear in my life, but I'm determined to turn this seeming obstacle into the beginning of a better, spiritually fulfilling, life.