Blessing of Time

Since I left academia, I haven't been blessed (so far) with money though my financial situation has slightly improved since I left Israel. But I've definitely been blessed with time. Not only do I have far more free time now, but also can I spend it to my heart's desire studying for my intellectual, emotional and spiritual joy and giving someone the most precious gift one can give to someone else - presence.

This is in sharp contrast to my situation when I was still in academia. Back then I was enslaved in the rat race, spending my most of my time preparing academic papers-shmapers to publish in order not to perish, which left me litte free time.

This blessing of time has left me with far less stress and far more serenity than before. And its discovery is instigating me to start becoming aware of the other, hitherto hidden, blessings I haven't been aware of. This in turn may help me start fullly living the now.

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Блог на русском

Torn between Conflicting Need and Desire

The main reason for choosing the place where I've been living since then was initially an economic one - saving the rent by staying where I can stay for free. It didn't take me a long time to realize that this relocation also meant carrying out one important private task I can't do anywhere else in the world. I feel as if I were activating for the first time in life that part of the sould I had never activated. Accomplishing this task is probably more like my need than my desire.

Recently I've started feeling internal dissonance between this need and my growing desire to move to another place I've been thinking of for quite some time. I myself also feel the time hasn't come yet to do so, but I can't help feeling that I'm in a wrong place that isn't compatible with me both socioculturally and spiritually.

I want to believe that one professional task I've been carrying out is a meaningful one as a means of accomplishing my life mission. Theoretically, I can do it online living in another country, and actually, I do it online. But living in the same country as those I interact with seems to have a positive impact upon them, making them feel closer to me though it doesn't matter where you are physically located in your online interaction.

Recently it suddenly occurred to me to carry out this professonal task online not only with those who live in the country where I live now but also with those who live in the city I've been dreaming of moving to eventually after completing my private task.

I told this idea to a good friend of mine in Jerusalem, who has been encouraging me a lot and has a wide network of connections - both private and professional - in this city. He is ready to help me in this, too. We aren't sure yet if this will materialize, but the mere thought of this possibility has already filled my heart with such enormous joy.

Joy of Learning

Since I was a child, I've always loved learning, especially through reading books. Until I experienced spiritual transformation through turmoil at the end of 2017, I spent most of my time learning languages and linguistics though I tried my best to read on other subjects that had nothing to do with my work. But after this transformation I've gradually but surely lost my interest in languages and linguistics, except for Russian, which I continue to learn to improve my proficiency.

This transformation lead me to the fateful decision to leave academia, which left me with far less income but far more free time. In addition to the continued study of Russian I started learning Chabad Chassidus and nonduality. Since then I've been continuing and enjoying this study. Now I can clearly see that learning languages and linguistics was for intellectual joy, while learning Chabad Chassidus and nonduality is for spiritual joy (and learning Russian is for emotional joy).

About three years ago I discovered a new source of joy - geopolitics. This joy is not only intellectual but also even spiritual. I continue to spend a substantial amount of time on weekdays checking tens of mainly Western geopolitical analysts on X and Rumble, among others.

This joy of learning comes especially from a series of eureka moments after realizing various narratives I have been brainwashed to believe through Western mainstream media outlets as propaganda tools of the "Evil Empire" or the "Empire of Lies". Of course, I'm very glad that I woke up geopolitically (as well as spiritually), but this transformation has also brought me new challenges in interpersonal relationships.

Unfortunately, I don't have many friends to share this joy with simply because most people I know still seem to have blind faith in these narratives according to their answers to two geopolitical questions I've found for checking how brainwashed they are. Of course, I don't blame them. I myself had blind faith in these narratives until I started learning geopolitics extensively.

PS: Share of Languages Used for Each Type of Joy of Learning

• For intellectual joy of learning: English - 100%
• For emotional joy of learning: Russian - 100%
• For spiritual joy of learning: Hebrew - 40% / English - 30% / Russian - 20% / Yiddish - 10%

The Single Most Important Factor That Prevents Me from Fully Living Here and Now

30 years ago I was in the same situation of longing for a place I was not living in, and this situation lasted for about ten years until I realized this dream of finally moving to that place.

But unlike 30 years ago I've been successful to live here and now most of the time, thanks to the teachings and practice of Chabad Chassidus and some non-Jewish nondual masters. This time I'm also standing on the shoulders, as it were, of this previous experience of mine instead of facing this challenge for the first time.

At least in terms of the information about what's happening in the place I've been thinking of moving to, I spend more time there in my mind than in the place where I decided to move to at the end of September 2023 and undertake two important missions - one public, and the other personal - I can't accomplish anywhere else.

Again, unlike 30 years ago I'm fully aware that it's not so healthy to live like this, mentally split between two places. So I've started looking for a way or ways of reconciling the two, that is, continuing to think of possible relocation to that place of my dream and fully living here and now. I haven't found any so far, and this occasional, if not constant, daydreaming remains the single most important factor that prevents me from living here and now.