Lone Wolf

I already know beyond any doubt that I'm a born lone wolf. I realized this for the first time in my life, though rather vaguely back then, when I left one extracurricular sport club I had been forced to join out of a very small number of choices in my junior high school. I simply felt suffocated to be forced to do the same things as others in a group, which I can define now as rules of the collective ego.

Since then I've left a number of other social groups or collectives for the same reason. The common denominator among them all seems to be that I couldn't know in advance the rules of their respective collective ego, and their alternatives have more or less the same rules. Again I felt suffocated after a certain period of time though I left some of these groups or collectives for some other reasons as well.

The most recent collective I left is my first and so far the last "permanent" workplace, and the second last one is my first and so far the last marriage if marriage can also be considered a social collective.

I somehow feared I would suffer from loneliness after getting doubly divorced, but this fear turned out to be unfounded. Professionally I enjoy and prefer working without being part of any institution where I can't choose for myself with whom to work. Privately I have a mixed feeling - though I do miss opportunities of celebrating Sabbaths and Jewish holidays with a life partner, I have to admit that my private life has become so much easier with far less stress.

But spiritually speaking, an easy life by living alone isn't always a blessing. Hardships we encounter (and get over) throughout our life serve as an important tool for training our soul. I still remember the initial shock when I heard in one of the first lessons in the three-year course in Chabad Hasidism I started to take in November 2018 (and will continue until June 2021) that the most important role our respective spouses play in our married life is to make our lives difficult. Nobody seems to be able to compete with them as the most challenging spiritual weight trainers for us.

This and other teachings of Chabad Hasidism could have saved my marriage, but it's through my divorce that I discovered Chabad Hasidism. Without experiencing divorce first, I might not have been able to fully apppreciate its teachings.

Profound Effects of the Traditional Study of Chabad Hasidism

I took a real interest in Hasidism in general and Chabad Hasidism in particular for the first time when I was exposed to one of the main points of the Tanya, probably the most important Chabad classic written by its founder Rabbi Shneur Zalman of Liadi (the Alter Rebbe), as the foundation of Jewish life coaching I receied as a client in a group of about ten frum Jewish men here in Jerusalem about three years ago. It concerns seeing our life as a constant struggle between two souls - הנפש הבהמית ('animal soul') and הנפש האלוקית ('Divine soul').

This idea of "a tale of two souls" kept haunting me since then. In November 2018 I started learning Chabad Hasidism as transmitted orally by its rabbis at what may be the only school in the whole Jewish world where one can study teachings of Chabad Hasidism, especiall its anatomy of the sould, in a systematic manner - Torat Hanefesh School of Jewish Psychology here in Jerusalem. My original plan was to take only the basic course for one year. But I was so fascinated with its teachings that I decided to continue two more years to complete the whole three-year program. I started my third, last, year about a month ago.

In parallel with this formal study I also started learning Chabad Hasidism by myself. I've built a decent department of Chabad Hasidism in my personal non-electronic library. I spend about three hours every day studying Chabad Hasidism on weekdays - one hour for the Tanya (I'm now in the third annual cycle of the self-study of the Tanya) and two more hours for other books. On Sabbath I spend several more hours for the intensive study of Chabad Hasidism, including the Tanya.

The traditional study of the Torah in general and Chabad Hasidism in particular impuses its learners with joy, helps tame the ego and raises the level of consciousness. I'm no exception. Before I started my formal and private study of Chabad Hasidism, I was addicted to alcohol and trapped in depression, but now I'm addicted to the Tanya and filled with joy!

This study has profoundly affected not only spiritually and emotionally but even intellectually. I've completely lost my interest in linguistics, which has come to seem insignificant to me. I've also completely lost my interest in two linguistic movements I used to be involved with - Yiddishism and Esperantism - as they don't appeal to me any more. Language may be an important tool of communication but it's also a double-edged sword. It forces us to conceptualize everyone and everything in the world and live in the illusion of duality.

PS: Today happens to be the eve of the "New Year" of Hasidism - 19 Kislev. So I wish you לשנה טובה בלימוד החסידות ובדרכי החסידות תיכתבו ותיחתמו as we say in Chabad parlance.

Beyond Language

Warning: This blog entry must include a number of internal contradictions as it attempts to talk about limitations of language using the very limited and limiting tool.

When I experienced a sudden intense suffering about three years ago, the shell of my ego must have cracked open, at least partially. In retrospect, I must have started to see a little light of my soul for the first time that had been covered by my ego. Then I realized suddently that I had been trapped in my own egoic mind.

I also came to realize gradually that language is not only a limited tool but also limits us as the guard of this mind-made prison. It didn't take me long to lose my interest in linguistics though I had spent about 30 years occupying myself with it professionally. Since then I've been trying to go beyond language.

Most of us must be prisoners of our own mind-made prison to a greater or lesser extent, and many of us end our lives without even become aware of this very fact. Our problem is worse when we are unaware of it. I have been trying in vain to explain to my fellow cavemen with the help of this same prison guard that there seems to a vast world that transcends language though I have only had some brief glimpses of it.

Even after realizing my status as such a prisoner and seeing the possibility of liberating myself from it of my own free will, I haven't been fully successful to take advantage of this possibility as this prison guard called language is extremely cunning.

One of the most cunning tactics of language, hence the egoic mind is labeling. It loves to label other people and peoples. Paradoxically, the more we label them, the more we distance ourselves from their presence, hence their very essence. The ego seems to love separation. With the help of its faithful servant called language it separate itself from other beings. This separation is an illusion.

Recently I'm also realizing that even mindfulness is limited and limiting. It divides our being into the subject and the object - separation again. I've already stopped practicing mindfulness meditation and switched to breathing meditation in order to go beyond language. I still seem to have a long way to go to liberate myself from my mind-made prison with a cunning guard called language.

Next 16 of the 60 Lessons in the Marketing Seminar by Seth Godin

This is a sequel to First 10 of the 60 Lessons in the Marketing Seminar by Seth Godin. Here are my answers to the prompts from two of the lessons in Lessons 11-26:

Status Roles and Tension

One of the most important messages I would like to deliver through my practice of Jewish life coaching as well as my teaching of Jewish spirituality, on which this practice is based, is the importance of the awareness that status of any kind is an illusion of the individual and collective egos and we have to go beyond it to have a meaningful life true to our higher self. I'm fully aware that this message won't be understood except by a small number of people.

When I was still a prisoner of my own egoic mind, I was also trapped in this illusion. Since I became aware of this, I have been trying to tame my ego. I have absolutely no intension of manipulating my potential clients with this illusion.

Please allow me to quote one passage about the higher self from a new book by Wayne Dyer entitled The Power of Awakening, which I happened to read yesterday:

Your ego tells you that you have to compete and consume. In order to prove yourself, you must have more toys. You need to accumulate more. You must achieve more. Your ego tells you that how good your body looks and how you smell and how much jewelry you have is important. There is a whole world of egos dealing with egos out there, everybody telling everybody how important they are. But you don't have to give in to that! You don't have to say, "Yes, but you should have heard what I did! Let me tell you.

The less self-absorbed you are, the more freedom you have. When you're so hung up on everything having to be a certain way, your freedom is taken away from you. The ego promotes that sort of attachment, while the higher self is unattached to it.

It can be helpful to think of the ego like a shadow: When you go out into the light, you cast a shadow. The shadow, like your ego, is not real. You can't get hold of it. It's an illusion. Your higher self, of course, is what is real. It's wonderful to know your real self because then you don't live with the illusory shadow, which is always changing.

Similarly, you look at this packaging you're in, and every gray hair and wrinkle that appears is like a little notification that reminds you of your death. The ego wants you to believe that your body is where you should attach your primary identification. For the ego, the most embarrassing event in the world is death. But you know you are not this body; you are that which is observing it. Your real self is eternal and changeless.

The most fundemental tension in our life is between our ego and our higher self. We have to tame our ego before it tames our higher self.

Existential Needs vs. Dreams and Desires

The first and most vivid image of my target clientele - prisoners of their own egoic mind - that comes into my mind is that of cavemen in Plato's famous (and my favorite) allegory of the cave.

I myself am a former caveman. Until I had the luck to take a glimpse of the world outside the cave through a crack that suddenly opened by some unexpected suffering, which I came to consider "Divine grace" later, I never imagined that another world existed. Somehow I've successfully escaped from this cave and started enjoying a totally different life that is also aligned with my soul purpose.

Though I've already left the cave, I still keep visiting it without entering it and whispering to those who come with curiosity to this small crack from which I escaped about the outside world, hoping to convince them to follow me. Their existential needs may be fully met in this cave, but a totally different life filled with joy is possible outside the cave.

Some of my former fellow cavemen start realizing for the first time that they have been in the cave their entire life and even start dreaming of escaping from it. But not many of them have the courage to leave this cave. Even the most courageous still seem to hesitate to fully trust me. They seem to be desiring to have some external confirmation that will push them into water.

This is where I am now. I have been trying in vain to convince many cavemen to trust what I've been telling them in various ways. What else should or can I tell them and in what other ways should or can I tell them so that they may allow me to help them escape from their cave?

Enslavement to the Mental Illusion "I Have No Time Now"

One of the excuses I used to hear from other researchers when I still worked in academia is "I have no time now". It's so sad that many people in academia have enslaved themselves, whether consciously or unconsciously, to this mental illusion. The present moment is the only time that is and has reality. No living human has ever experienced the future except in his or her mind. If they don't live the present monent, they are actually not living except in their mental solitary confinement.

I don't remember exactly when I came to this realization but I do remember that I realized this quite suddenly. But after this sudden realization that I had been trapped in this mental prison all my life in academia, I told myself to leave it as soon as possible though after the necessary preparation for the transition.

I really want to believe that working in academia doesn't and shouldn't mean a life sentence in such mental solitary confirment. But unfortunately, I don't remember meeting anyone who isn't trapped there to a greater or lesser extent. This mental enslavement seems to be engraved in the very structure of academia. I wish I were wrong. And I'm more than glad to meet researchers in academia who are fully mindful of the present moment and aren't trying to keep pursuing this constantly moving future they'll never be able to capture.

PS: A conversation between two researchers in academia:

"Why have you stopped reading books?"

"I have no time now to read books as I have to write papers."

First 10 of the 60 Lessons in the Marketing Seminar by Seth Godin

On September 15 I joined The Marketing Seminar by Seth Godin, which has turned out to be the most amazing learning environment and experience I've had so far though we have only finished the first one sixth. It's very difficult to explain these unique learning environment and experience to those who haven't been there. I'm sure that those who have already been there will completely agree with me.

This seminar is more than just about marketing. It's a journey of self-discovery prompted by 60 thought-provoking questions by Seth Godin and accelerated by exchanging comments in a community of close to 1000 like-minded people from all over the world.

In order to allow you taste a little bit of what I've been experiencing, I'd like to share with you the prompts from two of the first 10 of the 60 lessons and my answers to them:

Marketing Audit

1. What do you make?
   • I offer online service of life coaching based on the teachings of Chabad Hasidism.
   • (I'm leaving my tenure as a senior lecturer in Hebrew linguistics at an Israeli university at the end of this month and officially launching my new business in the beginning of next month.)
2. What's it called?
   • Jewish life coaching.
3. How much does it cost?
   • A package of eight one-hour weekly sessions costs $800.
4. Who is it for?
   • For those speakers of Japanese who feel stuck in their midlife in general and in their marriage life and work in particular.
5. How do you reach your audience?
   • Through the website, blog, Facebook and newsletter.
6. When you reach them, what's the offer, the promise?
   • They will become aware of the control by their ego as the main source of their being stuck.
   • They will have a clear vision of their true self liberated from the control of their ego.
   • They will become able to plan SMART goals to enable a fundamental transformation that is aligned with their newly discovered vision.
   • (This section needs further elaboration - the offer and the promise must be more specific and concrete.)
7. Do you spend money on marketing? On what? How much?
   • Yes.
   • On Facebook.
   • About 45 dollars shekels every other month for promoting the Facebook business page, and another 30 dollars every other month for promoting announcements about the business.
8. Who is the competition?
   • There is no competition in Jewish life coaching in Japanese.
   • But there are a number of other life coaches in Japan(ese).
9. How do you compare to the competition (be specific)?
   • I offer Jewish life coaching based on the teachings of Chabad Hasidism, which I've been studying formally in Jerusalem, where I live.
10. Clearly, you don't have 100% market share, and just as clearly, the customers of your competition aren't stupid. Why do they buy from someone other than you?
    • Because of the Jewish part of my life coaching, which offers the so-called long short way instead of the short long way as is common in other methods of life coaching.
11. Would your customers miss you if you were gone? How easy is it to replace what you offer?
    • Perhaps nobody else will be able to replace me as a Jewish life coach for speakers of Japanese. "Jewish" here has double meanings - I'm a (multilingual) observant Jew and my life coaching is Jewish.
12. Do you have specific measures of marketing success? What are they?
    • Having at least ten new paying clients every two months.
13. What are the demographics of your target market?
    • Speakers of Japanese in their midlife.
14. What about the psychographics? What are they like?
    • Those who feel stuck, especially in their married life and work.
15. What else do people who buy what you sell also buy?
    • Online courses in Chabad Hasidism that supplement my Jewish life coaching.
16. If you could change your offering to make it more appealing, how would you change it?
    • To make my message more easily understandable to more potential clients.
17. What would change if you were forced to justify charging twice as much for your product?
    • I have to double the benefits of my coaching.
18. When someone tells a friend about what you offer, what do they say?
    • My coaching is fundamentally different from other methods of coaching.
19. What problem do you solve for the customer?
    • The root problem of many other problems in life - control of life by the ego.
20. What problem do you cause for people who aren't yet your customers?
    • My message may not be clearly articulated, thus may not be sufficiently understood.
21. What's the risk of using your solution?
    • Those whose level of consciousness is not high enough may fail to appreciate it.
22. Which intermediaries need to be recruited to help you grow? (Retailers, media, etc.). Be specific.
    • Former clients who can spread the word.
23. Make a list of marketing tactics you've used to reach new customers.
    • Website
    • Blog
    • Facebook
    • Newsletter
24. Make a list of marketing assets that you own (brand, mailing list, distribution arm, etc.)
    • Website
    • Blog
    • Facebook
    • Newsletter
25. Are you primarily a brand or direct marketer?
    • I'm not sure yet.
26. What change are you trying to make in your customers?
    • They will become aware of the control by their ego as the main source of their being stuck.
    • They will have a clear vision of their true self liberated from the control of their ego.
    • They will become able to plan SMART goals to enable a fundamental transformation that is aligned with their newly discovered vision.
    • (This section needs further elaboration - the offer and the promise must be more specific and concrete.)

Positioning Yourself

• Make a list of all the things desirable to the people you seek to change.
  • Desired change per se: getting out of the mind-made prison, which negatively affects thought, speech and action in intra- and interpersonal relationships
    • They may have to reach the rockbottom to starting seeking this change as I did, but I'd like to help them avoid this by making them realize that they don't have to wait until then.
  • Foundation of coaching for the change: no foundation vs. non-Jewish spirituality vs. Jewish spirituality
    • My potential clientele seems to take an initial interest in my service because of their interest in things Jewish.
  • Way of coaching for the change: the short long way vs. the long short way (details below)
    • My potential clientele has to hear my explanations to see that the second way is desirable to them though it may seem counter-intuitive at first.
• Then, pick two of those things.
  • Foundation of coaching for the change: no foundation vs. no spiritual foundation vs. non-Jewish spirituality vs. Jewish spirituality
    • This scale doesn't necessarily mean that Jewish spirituality is superior to non-Jewish spirituality.
    • The kind of Jewish spirituality on which my practice of Jewish life coaching is based is Hasidism, or to be more precise, Chabad Hasidism, one of whose main teachings is to transform darkness into light.
  • Way of coaching for the change: the short long way vs. the long short way
    • The short long way: You'll see the change more immediately, but you'll easily revert to the original state, so you end up repeating the same process again and again.
    • The long short way: You'll see the change more slowly, but the change will be more lasting, so you don't have to repeat the same process.
• Set these on two axes, and decide where in that graph you'd optimally sit for your customers. What is your position on these axes?
  • Foundation of coaching
    • No foundation at all: some of my competitors
    • No spiritual foundation: many of my competitors
    • Non-Jewish spirituality: a few of my competitors
    • Jewish spirituality: me (no competitor so far in my specific geographic market)
  • Way of coaching
    • The short long way: most of my competitors
    • The long short way: me
• What are you committed to being on behalf of the people you wish to change?
  • Focusing more on what they want or need rather than on what I want to offer
  • Delivering my messages in a way any potential client of mine can easily understand, feel identified with, and feel like working with me
  • Actually, my marketing efforts are also going through the long short way. ;-)

Farewell to Academia

I officially left my tenured position in Hebrew linguistics at one Israeli university the day before yesterday and started a new business as a Jewish life coach for speakers of Japanese yesterday though I still have to register this new business in the tax authority here.

I spent the last two years on sabbatical taking three coach training courses and many other courses, the most significant of which for me was Torat Hanefesh or Jewish psychology based on the teachings of Hasidism.

With the end of this two-year sabbatical the longest chapter in my professional life also came to an end. I worked about 30 years in academia since I started teaching in the university when I was in the second year as a PhD student in Hebrew linguistics at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem.

One significant life event I experienced before I started this last sabbatical of mine made me realize that time had come to leave this comfort zone and follow my new bliss - Jewish life coaching. The Jewish part of my business is the incorporation of some teachings of Chabad Hasidism, which I started learning formally at Torat Hanefesh about two years ago and have come to embrace, though not fully yet.

My last day in academia the day before yesterday was just another normal weekday. But before I retired at night, I expressed my gratitude to everyone and everyting I encountered during this long period, without whom and which I'm not what I am now. If I'm to choose one word that best describes my present feeling, it's serenity.

Now I'm deeply convinced that no life experience is wasted and challenges we experience in life are here to serve us for our spiritual growth.

Arrogance as My Possible Most Fundamental Character Defect

Having worked through the first eight steps of the so-called 12-step program for restoring spiritual sobriety, I've discovered with a shock but with near certainty that one very specific type of arrogance seems to have been my most fundamental character defect that can also explain other character defects of mine as its derivatives and has destroyed many of my interpersonal relationships.

It has also become evident beyond any doubt that this arrogance of mine was - and probably still is, at least unconsciously - directed toward a certain group of people with its rather distinct subgroups. Arrogance produces deep resentments. And these resentments at these people must also have been blocking me.

The person who helped me discover this fundamental character defect of mine strongly advised me to make direct amends with them as a group or subgroups by reaching out for at least some of them as individuals. I still don't know how to do so. The period between Rosh Hashana, which will start this evening, and Yom Kippur, seems be a perfect time to start this long due process of atonement like cleaning a clogged sink.

Old-New Joy of Russian

As I'm leaving my tenure in less than one month, which is ten years before the age of the retirement, of my own free will, I've been reflecting on this long chapter of my life as a professional linguist.

Since my childhood I've always been interested in learning (modern) languages (and cultures) and I've been more or less good at this, at least in comparison with other learners. I'm realizing that practical study of languages and their academic study are two totally different things. I've totally lost in my interest in the latter, but I'm also realizing that I'm still interested in learning certain languages. Russian is one of these languages.

It was in the academic year 1989/1990, or my second year as a PhD student at the Hebrew University, that I formally studied Russian. Actually, before moving to Jerusalem I tried in vain to learn Russian a number of times back in Japan both by myself and in a university course. It's mostly thanks to our Russian teacher in Jerusalem and her excellent textbook that I could acquire the basics of this notoriously difficult language.

Since then I continued to learn Russian on and off by myself, investing time and energy in its study more than in any other language except for Hebrew, in which I specialized as a professional linguist. I know Yiddish and Esperanto much better though I've invested in their study far less time and energy.

I "rediscovered" this old-new joy of Russian when I stumbled upon some Russian TV drama with English subtitles on YouTube some time ago when I was still suffering from the pain of divorce from someone whose mother tongue happened to be Russian. Then my interest in Russian and its practical study was rekindled, but this has nothing to do with nostalgia. I simply love this language, and it simply makes be happy to hear its sounds and pronounce them for myself.

I have no practical benefit for my renewed study of Russian, perhaps except during my possible visit to Moscow, hopefully next summer on my way to Japan. As I dedicate about one hour every weekday to the formal practical study of Russian and immerse myself in this language by listening to live broadcasts and podcasts and reading newspapers and newsmagazines these days, I recall - and even reexperience - the enthusiasm I felt when I still used to spend hours every day studying various languages in my twenties.

PS: The following is a more or less exhaustive list of broadcasts, newspapers and newsmagazines I regularly check in Russian:

• Дождь
• Эхо Москвы
• Газета
• Новое Время
• Москвич
• Еврейский Журнал
• Лехаим

Death of the Physical Body in the Journey of the Soul

"When you as an eternal soul planned your current life, you were not concerned with what your mind might come to know. Instead, you wanted to experience the feelings that would be generated by life in a physical dimension. Life challenges are a particularly powerful means of creating feelings, which are, in turn, vital to the soul's self-knowing. These feelings cannot truly be comprehended by the mind; in fact, the mind is a barrier. In many ways life is a journey from the head to the heart. We plan life challenges to facilitate this journey, to break open our hearts so we may better know and value them." - Robert Schwartz

My father passed away of old age this Wednesday. It was only this Tuesday that I heard from my sister that he had been in a critical condition for one week, during which he refused not only to receive any medical treatment but even to eat and drink. On the following day I heard from my mother that he passed away. I'm still trying to digest the significant of this event. He may have found the death of his ego before the death of his physical body found him.

I may be swept by currents of strong emotions on the coming days, but in the meanwhile I remain quite serene, partly thans to the Jewish "mantra" with which we start the process of mourning - ברוך דיין האמת - as it enables us to see the death of the physical body from a totally different perspective.

Having heard and read many witnesses of life between lives regression hypnotherapy, which I myself received from the author of the above quote, I've also come to adopt what may be an unconventional and even un-Jewish view of the death of the physical body. I see it as a transition in the journey of the soul from life to afterlife after completing a series of challenges it planned before it incarnated into the physical body it also chose before its birth. From this perspective the death of the physical body can even be a cause for celebration, at least for the departing soul, if not for the bereaved family members and close friends who aren't aware of such a journey of the soul.

Reappreciating the Power of East European Jewish Humor

I was initiated to the world of what is known as Jewish humor, which is, to be more precise, East European Jewish humor, for the first time when I stumbled upon a collection of East European Jewish jokes by someone who later became my Yiddish- and Esperanto-speaking friend, when I was 18 years old. Since then my collection of East European Jewish jokes has increased both in my internal memory and as a collection of collections of such jokes in Yiddish, Hebrew and English.

It was only after I took an interest in East European Jewish humor from the perspective of academic humor studies that I started to appreciate its power for the first time. As I'm about to leave the academic world and launch a new practice of Jewish life coaching for speakers of Japanese, I'm reappreciating the power of East European Jewish humor and thinking of integrating it with this new profession.

I would like to believe that laughter is universally human. But the collective ego of certain cultures brainwashes their members into believing blindly that laughter isn't "kosher" not only in serious social contexts such as university lectures and academic conferences but even in day-to-day interpersonal interactions.

Unfortunately, Japanese society is an example of such a society. Since I started participating in various Zoom meetings organized by people from various countries after the spread of the new coronavirus, I've been paying a special attention to laugher and facial expressions of the participants. Many people living in Japan, even including those who were born abroad, have impressed me with their lack of facial expressions.

After spending three weeks in Japan last summer, I was shocked to notice that I couldn't move my facial muscles when I tried to laugh. Then I realized that the last time I laughed during this three-week stay in Japan was when I told some spontaneous stupid Jewish jokes in two public lectures for speakers of Japanese during my first week there. Since then I had no chance to laugh at all.

Facial muscles are just like any other muscle. If you don't use them, they will atrophy, so that even when you think you are laughing, you'll look to everyone else as if you were wearing a Noh mask. In short, you'll look scary to those who come from cultures where their members are rich in their facial expressions.

The ultimate mission of my new practice of Jewish life coaching for speakers of Japanese is to transform their darkness into light. The Jewish part of this practice is Chabad Hasidism and its teachings about our human psyche. I'd like to complement this mission with the power of East European Jewish humor both directly and indirectly. Laughter is healthy, but humor is more than just laughter. It has the power to rewire our brain positively. And East European Jewish humor has its unique characteristic unparalled by the humor of any other ethnic group.

Trust and Compassion

For the past two and a half years I've been asking myself how long we can and should continue having trust in and showing compassion for someone who keeps disappointing us and what can and should be the last straw that justifies our abandoning that person. This question is becoming of great practical relevance to me as I'm officially launching a new practice of life coaching soon.

During these years I've both witnessed and consciously read life stories of both people who didn't abandon those they had decided to trust and people who abandonded them so easily. I'm not going to blame the latter as I'm not fully sure whether I could keep showing compassion for those they decided to abandon if I were in their place.

But at least from now on I don't want to abandon those I've decided to trust, whether privately or professionally, except in one special case as I already know that certain people fail to keep their promises for spiritual sicknesses that have nothing to do with their will power. This special case is when I make sure that my abandonment will touch the very core of their soul and wake them up once and for all - abandonment out of compassion.

Spiral Dynamics and Linguistic Ideologies

Spiral Dynamics, based on the pioneering research by Clare Graves and elaborated by Don Beck and Chris Cowan in their book Spiral Dynamics, is an evolutional model of the human consciousness. Though can be appitlied to the understanding of both individuals and collectives, I find more power of this theory when it's used to measure the evolutionary stages of various collectives, including linguistic ideologies, around the globe. An online article entitled Overview of the Spiral Dynamics Model by Ken Wilber is one of the clearest introductions to this theory in a concise manner.

I've also studied this theory, though purely amateurishly, through the above mentioned book as well as the following series of lectures by Leo Gura, which I relisten to every once in a while:

• Grand Model of Psychological Evolution
• Spiral Dynamics - Stage Blue
• Spiral Dynamics - Stage Orange
• Spiral Dynamics - Stage Green
• Spiral Dynamics - Stage Yellow
• Spiral Dynamics - Stage Turquoise
• Spiral Dynamics - Important Insights and Nuances
• Spiral Dynamics - Areas of Application

It doesn't seem to be by chance that I got acquainted with this theory when I decided to leave academia (I'll officially leave it at the end of this September after two years of preparation for a new career). Then I also decided to stop my active involvement with two linguistic movements that used to occupy me a lot for many years - Yiddishism and Esperantism. Back them I couldn't clearly articulate the discomfort I suddenly started to feel with these two linguistic ideologies, but two years since then, I think I know what aroused and still arouses this feeling inside me.

The case of Yiddishism is quite obvious, at least to me, if not to its blind followers. Judging from its characteristics I've seen first-hand, I would say that it belongs to a fairly low stage in Spiral Dynamics. It's a desperate - and in my opinion, unsuccessful - attempt to replace Judaism with something linguistic and cultural, a kind of a new secular Jewish religion for descendants of speakers of Yiddish. Having started to study Hasidism in a traditional approach and not, G-d forbid, in an academic setting about two years ago, I find Yiddishism far more shallow than before.

The case of Esperantism is more subtle. The very idea of unifying the humankind is noble, but trying to do so through a "neutral" common language seems to me very naive now. It must be ranked higher in the scale of Spiral Dynamics, but not high enough. Its limitation is its obsession with language. I've realized that there is a vast suprarational world that transcends our intellect, thus our language, too. Language is not only a limited tool but also limits us. Actually, we human beings are already unified as divine sparks. All we need to do to see ourselves unified in reality is to raise our level of consciousness, first as individuals, then as a human collective. For this we have to go beyond the limitation of language.

Linguistic (Dis)comfort and Cultural (Dis)comfort in Oral Communication

Until I got divorded from my ex-wife (and decided to get "divorced" from academia, too) about two years ago, I used to use five languages orally - Hebrew, English, Yiddish, Esperanto and Russian - in my private life. Since then I only live in two languages - Hebrew and English.

I guess most of those who continue to live in the same country feel most comfortably in the language and culture they were born into. Even if you immigrate to another country, your most comfortable language and culture must remain your native ones in most cases.

When I immigrated to Israel about 16 years ago, I also considered myself a kind of cultural refugee. I never felt comfortable in Japanese society. My discomfort there intensified after spending five years in Israel - 11 years before my immigration - though in the end I got used to the fact that I might never get used to it. I've never felt comfortable in Japanese, which is a highly context-dependent language, that is, is highly influenced by Japanese culture and its overt and covert rules.

When I immigrated here, I was full of hope. It didn't take me long to start feeling uncomfortable in Israel society. Though this is not a result of my conscious choice, I've come to find myself speaking less and less Hebrew in my private life. I speak more English than Hebrew, at least in meaningful conversations as I feel far more comfortable culturally with English-speaking Jewish immigrants from North America etc. than with Hebrew-speaking native Israelis though my Hebrew is much better than my English.

In other words, cultural comfort seemed far more important for me than linguistic comfort in oral communication. But recently I discovered one context of oral communication in which I can't express myself comfortably except in Hebrew, and not in English or even Japanese. This social context is AA meetings. I started attending several in English on Zoom when I started receiving AA sponsoring a couple of months ago. I've never felt comfortable to express my innermost experiences and emotions in English in public. When attended my first AA meeting in Hebrew this week, I felt so comfortable in Hebrew that I spoke up of my own will even several times.

Quotes That Describe the Present and Next (Expected or Desired) Stages in My Life Journey

The following are quotes from an article by one spiritual teacher I admire that describe the present and next (expected or desired) stages in my life journey. I've read this article many times. I reread it twice this morning.

The Present Stage

"As we recognize how asleep we have been, we can clearly see that most people we know are still asleep. We try to wake them up, but our attempts are seen as judgmental and, therefore, met with deaf ears."

"We are seen as different, weird and maybe even crazy. Sooner or later, we decide to keep our growing awareness to ourselves; maybe rationalizing that it's better to be silent than bejudged. At this point, we don't have a lot of hope that others will wake up."

"We are still focused on everything that is wrong in our lives, and in the world, but, at the same time, we have resistance to letting go."

"[W]e may leave unsatisfying jobs, intimate relationships, families, friendships, religions, organizations and any disempowering ways of life. We may disentangle from roles we played, reject our past identity, [...]."

"Our former model of the world is failing and we no longer see the world in black and white or good and bad. There may be a growing sense that we are all connected, but at the same time we may feel completely disconnected from every other human being."

"By now, we may be able to see the connection between our thoughts/beliefs and the creation of our reality, and, as a result, we try to control our thoughts, but it is a difficult process because old programs are still running."

The Next (Expected or Desired) Stage

"You have mastered the art of letting go, and surrendering to a higher power. You also experience and have access to the inner power you possess, without ego control."

"Doubt has been replaced with faith and trust. You are able to see and understand your life in such a way that your past and present all makes sense. You have forgiven everyone for everything, including yourself."

"Unconscious programming has been replaced with consciousness, and there are no emotional or mental prisons holding you captive."

"You take responsibility for your entire life, no longer blaming anyone for anything. As you have freed yourself, you have freed all the people who have ever been effected by your judgment and expectations."

"You are no longer trying to prove your worth. You now know and own your intrinsic worth, and, as a result, you experience unconditional self-love."

"The need and desire for the old paradigm of relationships has shifted and you no longer yearn to fit in or be "normal." You allow yourself to be exactly who you are, without needing approval or acceptance from anyone. You no longer have a need to change anyone or help those you love wake up, and you are pleasantly surprised that some people you know are actually awakening. All your relationships improve, and the new people who come into your life are better aligned with who you are."

"[Y]ou integrate your insights and develop greater understanding for the journey you have been on. You may teach, mentor or share, but not because you feel you have to, or because you need to, but only because it brings you joy, and you are guided to do so."

"You may also experience increased intuition and the ability to access infinite intelligence, as if you have a direct line to unlimited information."

"Your love for life and all living beings overflows unconditionally with gratitude and appreciation as a common state of being."

"You have learned how to master your thoughts and beliefs, but, surprisingly, you may have no desire to change anything in your life."

"Although you likely experience a full range of emotions, emotions no longer rule you or control your choices or relationships."

"Your higher self has integrated in your body, and you live your life as this real self."

Switch from Academic Public Speaking to Jewish Public Speaking

Perhaps the most interesting and eye-opening exercise each one of us participants has been asked to do in the coach training program I take this year is to make a three-minute presentation about one coaching skill. After each presentation the rest of us give the presentator our respective scores (from 0 to 10) and tell him if we want to hire him as our life coach or not. I've done this exercise twice so far.

When I did it for the first time, I wasn't aware that I still remain an academic in my style of public speaking. A private comment one of the other participants kindly shared with me made me realize this.

"Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic" is what is said about alcoholics. Though I stopped drinking completely about two and a half years ago, I remain an alcoholic in that I still have the potential of being unable to control my drinking after the first drink. I'm a "dry alcoholic".

This may apply to academics, that is, "Once an academic, always an academic." Though I still belong to academia officially, I've already left it to all intents and purposes. Nevertheless, I feel I still remain an academic and perhaps will always remain so. In short, I may also be a "dry academic".

On the eve of the Jewish holiday of Shavuot last Thursday evening I had one powerful revealing experience. In a festive sermon by a distinguished modern Orthodox rabbi I heard at the shul where I regularly daven on Sabbaths and holidays I suddenly realized that true Torah study fills its students with fire. This rabbi spoke with such enthusiasm - fire of Torah!

Then I decided to become a hot "dry academic" instead of remaining a dry "dry academic". I have no role model for this new style of Jewish public speaking for academics as I don't remember hearing any academic give his talk with such enthusiasm. On the contrary, if he spoke this way, his colleagues would think something is wrong with him.

Not only would purely academic study of Judaism probably be unable to fill its students with such fire of Torah, but also have I witnessed many such scholars drift away from Torah with no fire. Of course, I'm not deligitimizing this approach, but it's not for me and my new practice as a Jewish life coach.

Online Information Diet

Having realized that I've become too information-obese, I've started to get rid of my information flab in especially obese areas in my online information consumption (and production-shmoduction), including, first and foremost, Facebook. I've consulted the following books again - The Information Diet, Digital Minimalism, and Facehooked.

Even before this process I had imposed upon myself one rule, which, of course, I continue to keep - never to check newspapers and newsmagazines on Facebook and now on a smartphone as well. Though I've been checking them through their web feeds by using a feed aggregator (my favorite is QuiteRSS for Windows), which I think is a far more efficient method of checking websites in general, the sheer number of the newspaper and newsmagazine websites I used to check daily simply started to suffocate me. Now I check "only" eight newspapers from five countries in four languages (Globes, Jerusalem Post; Sankei, Japan Times; Gazeta, Moscow Times; Financial Times; Wall Street Journal), which may still seem a lot to many people.

Through this new information diet I'm learning now where else my energy has been leaking online, whether actively or passively. I already feel enormous relief, especially after I blocked the source of my worst energy leak, which, not surprisingly, "happens" to be on Facebook. Of course, each of the individual sub-sources that constitute this source is parve, that is, there is nothing intrinsically wrong with any of them. It's how my mind interprets them that drains my energy. Since the level of my consciousness isn't high enough to stop judging them, I had to decide to limit my exposure to them artificially. I should have thought of this before.

With my switch to a smartphone, which was motivated to make myself more accessible to other people, I'm already facing an unexpected challenge in my new information diet. The number of telephone calls I receive and the number of people who call me have skyrocketted since this switch. In principle, this is a welcome surprise. But unfortunately, I've already started encountering a new mental challenge - how my mind interprets a small number of people who find me more accessible on the phone and call me very frequently to talk mainly or solely about themselves. I only hope it's not too late to set clear boundaries for them, which I was negligent to set in the very beginning.

Finally Switching to a Smartphone

As more and more seem to have less and less patience (and ability) to use email for written online communication in favor of WhatsApp and other messengers, I finally switched to a smartphone this Sunday in order to make myself more accessible for others, including not only my friends and acquaintances but even strangers.

Once I started using my new Android smartphone, I totally forgot all the psychological barriers that had blocked me to switch to this technology. Now I see far more benefits than disadvantages.

I'm reconfirming the same pattern I've been following since my childhood every time I take a great interest in something. I have to investigage it as thoroughly as possible both quantitatively and qualitatively. I'm already quite familiar with Android and its hidden settings and functions.

I also like to search and try various software programs, and this is also what I've been doing with Android after immediately disabling Google, Chrome and Facebook applications (yes, I've disabled them to protect my online privacy (Google and Chrome applications) and prevent distraction (Facebook application; unfortunately, Android doesn't allow me to uninstall them). The following is the list of the applications I've tried and decided to keep using:

• Google
  
  • Google Find My Device
  • Gboard
  • Files by Google
  • Google Translate
  • Google Docs
  • Google Calendar
• Communication
  
  • Signal
  • WhatsApp
• Internet
  
  • Find Wi-Fi
  • Malwarebytes Security
  • ProtonVPN
  • DuckDuckGo Privacy Browser
• Text
  
  • iA Writer
• Judaism
  
  • Hebrew Calendar
  • Hayom
  • Daily Jewish Quote
  • Daily Torah Study
  • Chayenu
  • Siddur Tehillat Hashem - Classic Hebrew Edition
• Spirituality
  
  • AA Big Book
• Mindfulness
  
  • Jon Kabat-Zinn 2
• References
  
  • Wikipedia
  • Oxford Dictionary of English
• Transportation
  
  • Waze
  • Gett

I've also immediate installed and started using the desktop version of Signal and WhatsApp as it's much faster and far more convenient for me to type with a computer keyboard.

There is one rule I've imposed upon myself in my use of a smartphone - the same rule I've imposed upon myself in my use of a computer. It's not to check email, messengers and news websites in the morning before I finish davening.

"Antediluvian" Colleagues and Friends

It's about two and a half years since one life-changing "deluge" attacked me, washing (away) many things I had taken for granted until then. Now I feel I can already analyse this "deluge" more objectively without being too emotional.

One of these things that have been affected most in addition to my own inner transformation is my relationship with my "antediluvian" colleagues and friends, especially those who didn't know what had happened to me.

My relationship with many of them has evaporated naturally for lack of common "language" with them. I also had to initiate to put an end to my relationship with some others who now seemed to me worshippers of mental idols such as some linguistic ideologies.

I reopened my Facebook account a little less than one year after this "deluge", hoping to get reconnected online with those "antediluvian" colleagues and friends I hoped I still share the same "language" with and get acquainted with new like-minded people. Unfortunately, Facebook has become a constant source of frustration for me as I find many posts by the former very shallow, and often egoic as well. What interests them doesn't interest me, and the opposite also seems to be the case.

My urgent task now is to be less judgmental and more compassionate though I don't know exactly how.

Disconnection and Disassociation from Sources of Negativity

I wonder how you've been coping with the present pandemic the whole humankind has been experiencing simultaneously. Personally I also take it as a precious opportunity to reexamine my life and reclaim my true self. One of the things I've been doing in this respect is to disconnect or at least disassociate myself from sources of negativity.

Ideally, I would neutralize such sources of negativity if they are human beings. But unfortunately, my present level of consciousness isn't high enough to do so. I'm afraid that instead of neutralizing them I might end up getting infected with their negativity.

Negativity can take a number of forms. Outright negativity is easy to identify and keep away from. Two of the subtler forms of negativity are narcissism and stupidity.

Narcissism can take not only an outright form but also subtler ones. Whatever form it takes, it has a negative effect, first and foremost, on the narcissists themselves. The main problem is that they bloat their ego through their narcissistic thought, speech and action, and the bloated ego is a sure way to cause sufferings to themselves.

To the best of my knowledge, Chabad Hasidism teaches that stupidity, or inability to tell what is important from what is unimportant, is a "fertile ground" for the flourishing of the ego and can also befall otherwise clever people. The result is the same as that of narcissism.

Interpersonal Conflict as a Lingering Legacy

I've successfully identified one symptom of my spiritual "coronavirus" as a lingering legacy of my former alcoholism, or a residue of the so-called dry alcoholism - conflict with other people. My unofficial mentor, who is also a former alcoholic, told me recently that dry alcoholism might linger up to several years. While discussing about its possible symptoms with him, I suddenly realized that I'm still suffering from interpersonal conflict though it happens far less frequently since I became completely sober about two and a half years ago.

I'm still shocked that in the past one year alone I had to sever my relationships intentionally with six people because of my conflict with them. I must have conflicted with more people, and fare more severely at than, before I restored my sobriety.

At his strong recommendation I've decided to try the so-called 12 steps the Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) with a "sponsor" who as a recovered alcoholic keeping his sobriety for decades will accompany this new spiritual journey of mine, which I consider as a preconditiion for another, far more life-transforming, spiritual journey I'm planning to undertake. In parallel I'll start attending regular meetings of the AA in Jerusalem, now online because of the spread of the novel coronavirus here, too.

I've just finished reading the main part of the so-called "Big Book" of the AA. The following passages from this book were especially shocking and eye-opening to me:

Our loyalty and the desire that our husbands hold up their heads and be like other men have begotten all sorts of predicaments. We have been unselfish and self-sacrificing. We have told innumerable lies to protect our pride and our husbands' reputations. We have prayed, we have begged, we have been patient. We have struck out viciously. We have run away. We have been hysterical. We have been terror stricken. We have sought sympathy. We have had retaliatory love affairs with other men.

Our homes have been battle-grounds many an evening. In the morning we have kissed and made up. Our friends have counseled chucking the men and we have done so with finality, only to be back in a little while hoping, always hoping. Our men have sworn great solemn oaths that they were through drinking forever. We have believed them when no one else could or would.

Then, in days, weeks, or months, a fresh outburst.

We seldom had friends at our homes, never knowing how or when the men of the house would appear. We could make few social engagements. We came to live almost alone. When we were invited out, our husbands sneaked so many drinks that they spoiled the occasion. If, on the other hand, they took nothing, their self-pity made them killjoys.

[...]

Under these conditions we naturally made mistakes. Some of them rose out of ignorance of alcoholism. Sometimes we sensed dimly that we were dealing with sick men. Had we fully understood the nature of the alcoholic illness, we might have behaved differently.

How could men who loved their wives and children be so unthinking, so callous, so cruel? There could be no love in such persons, we thought. And just as we were being convinced of their heartlessness, they would surprise us with fresh resolves and new attentions. For a while they would be their old sweet selves, only to dash the new structure of affection to pieces once more. Asked why they commenced to drink again, they would reply with some silly excuse, or none. It was so baffling, so heartbreaking. Could we have been so mistaken in the men we married? When drinking, they were strangers. Sometimes they were so inaccessible that it seemed as though a great wall had been built around them.

And even if they did not love their families, how could they be so blind about themselves? What had become of their judgment, their common sense, their willpower? Why could they not see that drink meant ruin to them? Why was it, when these dangers were pointed out that they agreed, and then got drunk again immediately?

Having read these passages, I've realized how sick I must have been mentally and how sick I may still remain mentally, though hopefully far less. But on the other hand, perhaps I could only restore my sobriety the hard way by causing sufferings to others, including my then dearest person, which in turn has caused me sufferings. Suffering can often be our best life coach.

Spiritual "Coronavirus"

Israel is one of the growing number of countries on this planet plagued with the new coronavirus (COVID-19) that are enforcing a nationwide lockdown that is growing in its severity day by day to combat the spread of this pandemic inside their respective national borders.

I've decided to take this opportunity of external darkness to increase my inner light by transforming my spiritual "coronavirus" into something positive. The main spiritual "coronavirus" I've identified that has been bothering me is my judgmentalism, and I'd like to transform it into compassion.

By sheer chance I've just been given a precious opportunity to be coached in the next ten weeks as part of the coach training program I participate in this academic year which is based on the teachings of Chabad Hasidism, especially those of the Book of Tanya.

I hope you'll also be to take advantage of this period of external darkness to (re)discover your inner light and reclaim your true self.

Preparing for a New "Journey"

The most important milestone in this present "journey" of mine that started about two years and a half ago must be the restoration of my sobriety. Since then I remain sober, breaking my personal record of sobriety every day.

Recently I started thinking about a new "journey" I had been recommended by one spiritual teacher. So I consulted someone I got acquainted with recently who experienced both "journeys". I was recommended to complete the present "journey" before embarking on a new one. I was also warned that the worst thing than can happen to me is not relapse but the collapse of a new life based on a shaky ground before completing the present "journey".

What I was recommended to do in order to complete the present "journey" is to let go of the root issue that caused my alcoholism in the first place. I was also warned that as long as this root issue has not been thoroughly taken care of, I will remain a "dry alcoholic" though I may remain physically sober. This made perfect sense after my illusion that the ground I'm basing my new life is solid enough was shattered in a series of incidents I experienced recently during some "retreat".

I don't know how long it will take me to prepare for this new, even more life-changing, "journey". I'm preparing right now for this preparation, which will consist of many steps and be accompanied by an experienced mentor who has already passed all the steps successfully.

Language as a Both Limited and Limiting Tool

"The nature of reality is such that no matter how much you say about it, you will be no closer to the end than when you began, which is why the wise sit in silence." - Leo Gura

It is when I realized language is not only a limited tool, which I had already realized before, but also a limiting one that I lost my interest in linguistics, which occupied me nearly three decades, though I'm still interested in several languages, including Hebrew, Yiddish, and Russian.

It never occurred to me that language could limit us until I realized that many of us, including myself, are trapped in our (egoic) mind and language plays a crucial role in this mental trapping. We can't stop our incessant thinking, especially, on negative things, so that when we really have to use our mind, we can't focus our attention. Our mind, which is supposed to be our servant, has become our landlord controling us. This control also prevents us from transcending our intellect and connecting to suprarational experiences.

Linguistics not only can't liberate us from this mental control fascilitated by language but even seems to strengthen it. Perhaps this limitation isn't restricted to linguistics but applies to academic studies in general. I'd prefer spending my time trying the traditional Torah study and Jewish spiritual work such as meditation and prayer instead to transcend my intellect and enhance my suprarational experiences.

Non-business Use of Facebook

I got "married" with Facebook for the first time in late August 2016 right after I got married to keep my family and close friends updated about our new married life. I had to get "divorced" from it in about six months to save shlom bayit ('domestic harmony'). Unfortunately, even this "divorce" couldn't save our marriage as one "time bomb" inside me was about to explode.

This explosion and resulting divorce have taught me a number of important lessons. One of them is that many of us are trapped in our egoic mind. Since I realized this for the first time, I've been working to raise the level of my consciousness and liberate myself from this trap. In retrospect, I also realized that Facebook as well as other social media platforms serve, not only for me but also many other users, to strengthen the ego and the illusions it shows us.

For this potential danger I was very reluctant to get "remarried" with Facebook, but I had no choice. I did get "remarried" with it in July 2018 to open a Facebook business page as one of the important online marketing tools for my new practice of Jewish life coaching. I also had to reopen my personal Facebook account to open my Facebook business page.

I was (and still am) very cautious and suspicious of the renewed non-business use of Facebook, but at the same time I also hoped (and am still hoping) to have opportunities for exchanging experiences and opinions with like-minded users of Facebook about how to raise the level of our consciousness. Unfortunately, however, it didn't take much time to realize that the non-business use of Facebook is dominated by the ego of its users - the majority of non-business posts are for instant gratifications satisfying the ego in various degrees of camouflage.

Though I post quite frequently on my personal Facebook page, my main non-business use of Facebook is to follow and read business pages of those people and organizations that have higher levels of consciousness than mine. In order to prevent the danger of my posts stemming from my ego I make all my posts open to the public, assuming that if I want to restrict them to my "friends", they must be more egoic. I'm also more and more convinced that those with a high level of consciousness generally don't use Facebook at all or seldom check it, so my above mentioned hope still remains unfulfilled.

Metaphor of a Candle

My self-image that is being reinforced, especially as a new life coach, through the study of Hasidism is that of a candle with its flame as my soul and its wax as my ego. Like the candle flame my soul strives upward by consuming the wax, my ego. I also try to ignite fire in other candles whose flame is flickering and transform darkness even with the light that is growing stronger through the study of Hasidism. By sharing your fire with others you don't have it diminished.

Recently I made one interesting experiment of igniting fire in giving tsdaka to those who come to the shul where I daven every Friday morning, asking for money. Having realized that neither givers nor receivers smile, I smiled to the first "victim" I gave money. It seems to have taken him a little while to realize what was going on, but to my joy, he smiled me back! I did the same thing to the second "victim" and got the same reaction.

I've been thinking of two more grandioze experiments to ignine fire in others to transform their darkness into light in addition to Jewish life coaching. About a week ago I happened to get acquainted with two people who have been doing these experiments, and I've started discussing with them about how I myself can also carry out the experiments.

Finally Resuming the Study of the Talmud

More than a year has passed since I decided to resume my study of the Talmud. As an attempt to finally implement this decision from today symbolically, when the 14th cycle of Daf Yomi starts, I've been reading a new introduction to the Talmud published for this occasion by ArtScroll (Introduction to the Talmud), hoping it will reignite my enthusiasm for the study of the Talmud.

The chapter I expected the least in this volume has turned out to be the most inspiring not only intellectually but even emotionally - "Talmudic Personalities". As its name shows, it's a collection of mini-biographies of important Talmudic personalities - 437 Tannaim and Amoraim mentioned in the Talmud. Of course, I haven't read all the entries in this chapter, nor do I want to so quickly (in order to savor each entry). The few entries I've read so far - those on R' Akiva, R' Yehudah HaNasi, etc. - are so inspiring that I'm finally resuming my study of the Talmud with both intellectual and emotional enthusiasm!

I'm also reappreciating the power of reading (non-academic) biographies of such Jewish sages. They show us how they implemented the teachings of the Torah in their thought, speech and action with integrity though even such reading can't be compared to the direct experience of witnessing the presence of living Torah scholars. I feel very privileged to be part of the unbroken chain of this Jewish oral tradition though I'm still on its receiving side.

The more involved I find myself with the traditional study of the Torah, the less interest and meaning I find in those areas of intellectual pursuit I occupied myself with until rather recently (and decided to abandon). I can feel a huge difference between these two types of intellectual pursuit in their respective magnitude of spiritual energy, like a difference between sun-bathing directly under the sun and just reading about sun-bathing.