Challenge of Coping with Those Who Are So Identified with the Illusions of Their Ego

The less and less I become identified with the physical body the soul borrows and the life stories it experiences, the bigger the challenge I face has become in coping with those who are so identified with their respective body and life stories. Paradoxically, it's thanks to those who try to force this illusion of their ego upon me that I'm getting even more liberated from this illusion. "Who am I?" "I am." I know this even more clearly now.

This week I watched again (and again) The Enlightened Self and How to Do Self-Inquiry by Leo Gura, from whom I've learned than from any other living person, except for a few Chabad rabbis, and have experienced even more strongly that I'm pure presence or awareness.

I used to think I wished I could be a hermit as a way to escape from all these people who are spiritually asleep. But asceticism isn't part of Jewish tradition, so I have nowhere to seclude myself. Of course, I already know that this isn't a healthy solution, either. Our soul is borrowing a physical body in this physical world for a reason. Asceticism fundamentally contradicts this life mission.

I already know how to rise up to this daily challenge - by fusing self-consciousness, which most people are stuck with, and divine consciousness into rectified self-consciousness, or combining physicality and spirituality.

Before I started to wake up, I myself was also identified with the body and life stories, so I was at least unipolar. But awakening has resulted in a riduculous situation - polarity between physicality and spirituality, which is nothing but the very opposite of nonduality!

There are a number of teachings and practices for shifting from self-consciousness, or identification with the illusion of the ego, to divine consciousness of experiencing oneself as pure presence or awareness with no egoic identities, and I've read and practiced many of them. But when it comes to a shift from divine consciousness to rectified self-consciousness, which is, again, a fusion of self-consciousness and divine consciousness, I've found few teachings and practices so far.

One thing I've started practicing right now is not to put myself back into the prison of my egoic mind every time someone forces his illusion upon me and I become irritated by giving a mental interpretation to his speech and/or action. On the other hand, there is one thing I should stop doing - to try to explain to such people how they are stuck in the illusions of their ego. This can't help them become aware of their dream state they are unware of now. I can't change others; I can only change my response to them, especially mentally.

Another, proactive, measure is to increase my inner light. I suddently received this insight while I was deeply immersed in my daily study of Chabad Hasidism this week. But I don't know yet exactly how to except for continuing my study of Chabad Hasidism and other teachings of nonduality as well as some spiritual practices.

PS: I've decided to take a temporary measure of escaping from Jerusalem for two weeks. So I may not be able to update this blog in the next two weeks until I return to Jerusalem in the beginning of January, hopefully with new insights.

Parallel between Spiritual Awakening and Political Awakening

"If you have to hold on to your illusions because denial makes you feel better, then truth isn't what you need." - Kim Dotcom

Rather recently I noticed a parallel between spiritual awakening and political awakening. By spiritual awakening I mean the (ongoing) process of realizing that you were trapped in the prison of your egoic mind and identified with your egoic thoughts, which are nothing but illusions, and liberating yourself from this prison. Political awakening may be a subtype of spiritual awakening in that the latter is also a process of realization and liberation.

If you are politically asleep, you are brainwashed by the *ropaganda of mainstream media outlets and trapped in the prison of the collective ego these media outlets represent.

I started to wake up politically for the first time in 2002 when I realized how most mainstream media outlets of two disputing countries in one region had been brainwashing us in favor of one of them. This time I started to wake up politically about ten months ago. Thanks to a small but growing number of courageous independent journalists, I'm realizing how the mainstream media outlets of the most aggressive country in the world and its allies have been deceiving us by demonizing one country and sacrificing a neighboring country of this demonized country as a *roxy.

When I first started to experience this second political awakening, I couldn't believe what I had discovered. Just like someone who is spiritually asleep, I wasn't even aware that I had been politically asleep.

Unfortunately, most people around me seem politically asleep on this specific issue and probably on other political issues. I never fail to surprise them by telling them that justice is totally with this demonized country this time and this demonization has no foundation and justification. They in turn never fail to disappoint me by showing their total ignorance of the country they demonize and blame. They simply repeat the same *ropaganda uncritically without checking primary sources. They are so brainwashed that they aren't even aware that they are brainwashed.

At this transient stage of my political awakening I can fully understand why many of those who are spiritually waking up decide to keep silent and even seclude themselves as hermits after realizing that almost nobody around them understands them and they are trying in vain to help those around them realize that the latter are asleep.

I first realized this parallel between spiritual awakening and political awakening last month when I met someone who had also experienced spiritual awakening through the study of Hasidism and applied this experience to liberate herself from the *ropaganda of mainstream media outlets pointed out this parallel to me. It was a pleasant surprise to hear that she is also convinced that justice is with this demonized country this time.

Fortunately, more and more people, if not those around me, seem to be waking up on this specific political issue.

Bodyweight Strength Training

Paradoxically, the less identified I've become with my body as my true self, the more carefully I've come to treat it as I've become more and more aware that I as a divine soul borrow it as an aid for accomplishing my mission on this earth.

No less paradoxical is the impression I receive from many of the people I know who seem identified with their respective body to a greater or lessor extent - they don't seem to be taking care of it enough.

Since several years ago I've become a kind of missionary preaching the benefit of bodyweight strength training, or training your external and inner muscles with your own bodyweight. Having consulted a lot of both theoretical and practical books on physical workouts for many years, I came to a conclusion several years ago that strength training is the most important physical workout as a number of experts explain.

Every time I meet someone who (seems so identified with his body but) doesn't seem to be practicing any physical workout from the way his body looks, I explain to him that if we don't train our muscles regularly, we'll lose 1% of our muscles every year from the age of 30, so that by the time we reach 70, we'll have lost as much as 40% of our muscles.

I feel so sat every time I see someone who finds himself bed-ridden after falling down accidentally as he couldn't sustain his body by losing a lot of his muscles for lack of strength training, for he could prevent this by taking care of his body more consciously on a regular basis.

I'm even convinced that this is one of the most important self-investments we can make. We can start saving the strength of our muscles like money at any stage in life, but we have to continue training them unlike money regularly in order not to lose them.

One of the main obstacles for those who have realized the importance of regular strength training as a wise self-investment is self-discipline. Many people seem to be unable to continue this physical workout as they practice at a gym. They have to realize that there is a far more convenient gym and it's doesn't cost money unlike a conventional gym - our body itself!

Using our bodyweight for strength training has another important benefit. This gym is said to help us develop the so-called functional strength far more efficiently than at a conventional gym.

There is even a learned term for bodyweight strength training - calisthenics. This art has a long history since the ancient times. It's said to have developed and been transmitted in prison.

I've learned this physical workout from several books instead. My most favorite guidebook for calisthenics is You Are Your Own Body by Mark Lauren. There is a separate guidebook for women entitled Body by You. I practice "push ups", "pull ups", "squats", "crunch it ups", "swimmers" and "core stabilization" as explained on pages 58, 89, 102, 124, 130 and 131 in the first book. They only take about 15 minutes a day, and I practice them five times a week before I start running in the morning.

I've been volunteering to teach this physical workout (as well as running and stretching) to friends and acquaintances of mine here in Jerusalem. You can also benefit from mobile apps by the author of these books.

How to Relate to Those Who Are Spiritually Asleep

If someone is spiritually asleep, he is trapped in the prison of his egoic mind and identified with his physical body and life experiences. And if he is totally asleep, he isn't even aware that he is asleep.

I was such a person until about five years ago. As I started to wake up and gradually started to be identified less and less with the physical body my soul borrows and the life experiences my soul has been undergoing, I've come to encounter a very difficult challenge - how to relate to those who are spiritually asleep.

The toughest part of this very difficult challenge is that there seems to be no way to help them understand intellectually through language that they don't know what they don't know. If someone is unware of his problem, nobody else seems to be able to help him become aware of his problem.

Even after I started to wake up by sheer divine grace, I continued to use the typical language of the ego for years. But recently I decided to stop using it as much as possible as I felt I couldn't continue to deceive myself any more.

This means I have to pay the high price of damaging interpersonal relationships with those who are asleep. There must be a way to avoid this, but I haven't found any so far that I can implement in this difficult life challenge.

The process of waking up can also be explained as a shift from self-consciousness to divine consciousness. If you wake up, you start to feel that you come from Him/Home instead to thinking you are your body and/or your life experiences.

According to the teachings of Chabad Hasidism and other mystical traditions there is a sequel to this shift from self-consciousness to divine consciousness, or from (the illusions of) duality to nonduality. Rabbi Yitzchak Ginsburgh, the teacher of my ex-teachers of Chabad Hasidism, succinctly explains the fundamental problem of this divine consciousness as follows (and this is a precise description of my present situation!):

Divine consciousness is not the ultimate level. It results in the individual suppressing his human condition and losing himself in the Infinite. As such, his interactions with the mundane world may become objective and detached. He may be critical and judgmental of all that does not fit in with his holy perspective.

The third stage is called rectified consciousness, which is a combination of self-consciousness and divine consciousness just as true nonduality is a combination of duality and nonduality. My understanding of this rectified consciousness remains theoretical so far. I don't know yet how it looks like in practical terms and how I can implement it in my daily life, especially in relating to those who are spiritually asleep.

Where (Not) to Daven

I immigrated to Israel in August 2004 to assume a full-time position at one Israeli university, which I eventually left about two years ago without waiting for the official retirement. In my first year I didn't go to any shul (= synagogue). I spent my next year here at a neo-Hasidic shul here in Jerusalem. I also spent the last few months of my second year looking for an alternative, visiting abour 20 shuls in my neighborhood. I didn't check one shul on purpose until after checking all the other alternatives as I felt I would fall in love with it. And this is what happened. Since then I davened there for 16 years.

This second one is a "national-religious" (= modern Orthodox) shul. Since I was exposed to Chabad Chassidus about five years ago and started learning its teachings at a formal setting for three and a half years, I came to feel more and more connection, both intellectual and emotional, with Chabad and started davening in parallel at a nearby Chabad house, though only in Friday mornings.

About three weeks ago I participated for the first time in the Sabbath morning prayer at this Chabad house and was so fascinated. Everything was much better for me there than in the old shul. I tried again last Sabbath, and this feeling only intensified. I also realized that I lose a lot by not attending this Chabad minyan.

This week I made a very difficult decision to leave the shul where I davened for 16 years and switch completely to this Chabad minyan not only in Friday mornings [this is not a typo - yes, Friday mornings!] but also on Sabbaths and holidays. What made my decision so difficult is that by leaving this old shul I'll also lose opportunities to shmooze before and after davening with those I made friends with there in these 10 years.

Except for this loss I have nothing to lose, especially when it comes to davening per se. I've simply outgrown this previous style of davening, or to use a more neutral term, I've fundamentally changed through formal, then private study of Chabad Chassidus. I feel far more at home at my new, Chabad, minyan.

I've also realized the importance of having a community rabbi. In this Chabad house we even have two, whom I knw even before I started learning Chabad Chassidus, while in the shul where I davened for 16 years there is no community rabbi. Community rabbis add a lot to the community not only intellectually and emotionally but also spiritually by their mere presence.

Obsession with Many Other People's Obsession

The most common first question people ask when they meet for the first time in Israel is "Where are you from". Until rather recently, or until I started to wake up from the illusions of the egoic mind, I never thought twice to answer this otherwise naive question. The truth is that many people ask this question unconsciously, many others also answer it no less unconsciously.

Though this question can have multiple meanings, including very profound ones, most people take it for granted that it's about the country where they were born, or to be more precise, where their respective physical bodies were born.

I've already seen many times in various contexts of encounters that many people are obsessed with this question as if they wouldn't be able to be able to relate to the person they've just met for the first time. They don't seem aware, either, that this way they are categorizing and labeling this person, which in turn makes them distant from the true nature of the person.

If I'm fully awake, I must be able to satisfy the obsessive need of these people by answering naturally in the meaning they have in mind unconsciously. Paradoxically, it's by realizing my obsession with this obsession of many other people that I also realize that I'm not fully awake yet.

I simply can't answer this way. Something bothers me. I answer instead, "I'm from Home" or "I come from Him". None of those who ask others, "Where are you from", don't seem to understand my answer. Many of them ask me to repeat this answer of mine, and some even repeat the very same question. Then I ask them if they want to know where the physical body my soul borrows was born. They are even more confused.

At this stage of my spiritual development or ego rectification I can't use what seems to be the language of the ego. I simply can't. This may be a cunning manifestation of the so-called spiritual ego.

Citizenship and Practical Knowledge of the National Language

Though I haven't checked all the countries in the world, I'm sure that many of those that respect themselves require their prospective citizens to have a test of their respective national languages and show a sufficiently high level of practical knowledge of these languages. I know as a fact that the Russian Federation, for example, has such a state-run examination called тестирование по русскому языку иностранных граждан.

Israel is one of the exceptions to this. According to its Law of Return, every Jewish person and those who have at least one Jewish grandparent, including those who are therefore halakhically non-Jewish, are eligible for Israeli citizenship upon their arrivial to the country without proving their proficiency in Hebrew. This law was enacted to offer a safe refuge to everyone who was persecuted according to the so-called Nuremberg Laws, which led to the Holocaust.

I don't know if this is realistic, but personally I would like to see this law reformed so that every new applicant may receive Israeli citizenship only after proving his or her proficiency in Hebrew as well as basic cultural literacy in Judaism and Israel.

Though such a legal requirement doesn't exist yet, many new citizens learn Hebrew quite well, at least in speaking, including those from the Russian Federation who don't know any other foreign language and even if they immigrated to Israel after the age of retirement.

There is one noticeable group of people who don't take the trouble of learning Hebrew at all and continue speaking to everyone here in the language of the coutry of their origin as if they were still living there. Actually, they are still living there, at least in their mind. I wish I were wrong, but the more people of this group I meet, the more convinced I'm that they waited to immigrate here until after retirement in their country of origin in order to take from two countries without giving to their new country. I would even call this linguistic arrogance, which seems to be part of the overall arrogance of their country of origin I witness in many other areas of life.

Unfortunately, many native speakers of Hebrew in Israel seem to "collaborate" on this. They willingly give up Hebrew in favor of the native language of these immigrants. Both of them seem to assume that the whole world speaks this language. Though it's one of the languages I use very actively, I don't like to be spoken to in it by those who have an apparent Hebrew accent as this seems to be the mentality of the colonized who don't respect their native language (and national culture).

Digging a Seemingly Endless Tunnel

I'm in the middle of my fifth seemingly endless tunnel. When I was in the middle of each of the four previous similar tunnels, I wondered if I would see the light at the end of tunnel. And before I dared to start digging each of them, I hesitated a lot as they were either almost or complemetely unprecedended not only in my own life but also in those of others around me. It took me around ten years to finish digginng these four seemingly endless tunnels and see the light of day.

The present one seems quite different from the previous four in nature. It depends too much on external, rather than internal, factors. I could continue digging the first four eternally without my life seriously damaged by not seeing the light of day, but this time I can't continue digging the tunnel further.

The simplest choice is to stop digging it completely now. But having invested so much time, energy and money in the preparation and process, I don't want to give up so easily though I've been digging for about four years.

I've decided instead to continue digging this tunnel with less investment of time and energy than before and start digging a new parallel tunnel. This new parallel tunnel, though far more conventional, also seems quite scary. Naturally, there is no guarantee that I'll be able to finish digging this one, either.

When I was in the middle of struggling with each seemingly endless tunnel, I also wondered what could be more difficult. But each time I finished dinning it and starting digging the next one, I was pleasantly surprised every time anew that the next one was even more difficult. The present one, if not the new parallel one, seems the most difficult of all.

Strangely, I'm not so scared - or I'm scared that I'm not scared enough - in spite of all the difficulties. I'm more scared to think how my life would have been if I hadn't decided to dig any of these life-changing tunnels. I can say at least about the first four that without daring to start digging them regardless of the respective desired outcome my life would have been less meaningful as I must have lost precious opportunities to know the so-called unknown of the unknown, that is, through this process I could learn important life lessons I hadn't know I hadn't known [this repetition is not a typo].

I have no idea how and when I'll be able to get out of this fifth and new parallel tunnels, but if I do, I'm sure that this will become priceless asset for the rest of my life.

How Chassidus Seems to Affect Its Learners

Some time ago I suddenly realized I could indentify those who had studied Chassidus and who hadn't. When I hear people give publicd sermons, I can distinguish with a very high rate of precision. Even when I talk to others personally, I can make this distinction quite accurately.

Since this sudden realization I started asking myself as well as some of my Chabad teachers and rabbis how Chassidus seems to affect its learners. I haven't been able to indentify this seemingly profound effect and its putative components yet in a way I can formulate them rationally and apply this generalization to every new person I encounter. But at least suprarationally I feel the effect - or lack thereof - of Chassidus on its learners without knowing clearly why I know. Every time I asked someone, "You haven't studied Chassidus, have you?", I was right (and he was surprised I knew this.

Instead of continuing to ask myself the above question I occupy myself in the meanwhile with a much easier - but probably more meaningful - question, which is how the study of Chassidus, or to be more precise, Chabad Chassidus, seems to have affected me.

Before being exposed to one of the most important teachings of Chabad Chassidus four and nine months ago and then started learning it formally and privately, I received formal Jewish education in the Talmud at a "Lithuanian" haredi (i.e., non-Chassidic) yeshiva in Jerusalem and Musar in a small group guided by one of its few preachers-cum-practioners. This prior study of what is so different from the teachings of Chassidus has helped me appreciate Chassidus even more.

In parallel with Chabad Chassidus I've also been studying teachings of non-Jewish nonduality from works of masters such as Eckhart Tolle and Adyashanti. So the inner transformation I seem to have undergone may not be solely thanks to my study of Chabad Chassidus.

Probably the most important positive change I can identify in myself in comparison to how I used to be until about five years ago is that I don't identify myself with my thoughts, or to be more precise, thoughts of my ego. I can see them as replacable garments and treat them accordingly. Now I'm fully aware that I used to be fully asleep in that I was deeply trapped in the prison made my ego, which naturally caused countless problems in my interpersonal relationships in my both private and professional lives. In retrospect I can "console" myself by telling myself that those I collided with were mostly no less asleep.

Awareness of a problem is a half solution to the problem. Since I liberated myself from my mind-made prison, at least partially, I started to feel more peace of mind and joy as our natural state as the sun continues to shine even when it's cloudy. It still occurs from time to time that I'm temporarilly hijacked by some negative thought of my ego, but I can generally notice and neutralize it immediately afterwards, thus saving myself and others a lot of unnecessary suffering.

Another, no less important, change is that I have no blind faith any more in our intellect, which seems not to be but a tiny part of our human faculty. With this change came a fundamental shift in my interest. I'm more interested in life wisdom than purely intellectual knowledge, and in suprarationality than rationality (but with an anchor in physicality).

I've been extremly lucky to have been blessed with amazing teachers and rabbis of Chabad Chassidus in these four years and nine months. I've always been able to see living examples of how profound teachings of Chabad Chassidus are - and can or should be - applied to our daily life, especially in our interpersonal relationships.

Baal Shem Tov on Prayer

Perhaps the most difficult practice of Judaism has been prayer for me. What makes prayer so difficult for me is that we are encouraged to daven with intention. Prayer without intention is often compared to a bird without a wing - neigher of them can't fly. For this and incessant foreign thoughts during prayer I used to be obsessed with this encouragement, until I recently read Illuminated Sound: The Baal Shem Tov on Prayer by Rabbi DovBer Pinson. This book - especially the following three passages - has revolutionalized my prayer since then:

"The Chidush/novelty of the Baal Shem's teaching, [...], is that he strongly encourages us to focus on our Kavanah ['intention' - TS] just before we recite the words of Davening, and then, when we are vocalizing the words, we should drop any intellectual formula and just be present in the resonance of the words themselves. In the Baal Shem's approach to Kavanah, the intention should illuminate what is about to be said, and then the words should be pronounced without any 'thought' whatsoever."

"If I am engaged in intellectually dissecting the information even while they are talking, my Da'as/awareness and presence is caught up in an egoic pursuit. In fact, if one is caught up in the meaning of their own words as they are speaking them, they will not be present in them either, and perhaps even become too self-conscious to speak."

"Whatever meaning you construct in your limited understanding pales in comparison to what truly lies within the sacred, holy and light-filled words of Tefilah ['prayer' - TS]. If you are thinking about a particular Kavanah ['intention' - TS] while reciting them, you are limiting their true capacity, because then the words only mean what you think they mean, from your limited perspective, and not what they really mean on their own. If, however, you are simply saying the words of Davening without any personal, subjective, and limiting understanding of what they mean, then the words retain their maximum and Infinite potential."

I've been liberated from the above mentioned obsession of mine. I realize now that whatever intention I have in mind during prayer, it will always be partial. So I simply immerse myself in the sounds of the words of prayer I recite instead.

This shift is parallel to my previous shift in my daily practice of meditation before davening - from mindfulness meditation to what Adyashanti calls "true meditation". The common denominator between this latter meditation and prayer according to Baal Shem Tov is that you simply flow and let go of any artificial effort to control your meditation/prayer.

I shared this revolutionary teaching with my study partner of Tanya, "the written Torah of Chassidus". He also told me that it has revolutionalized his daily prayer. If you also find it difficult to daven, please try this method. What I have in mind is Jewish prayer from a siddur ('prayer book'), so doesn't apply to spontaneous prayer, which often comes from our temporary egoic desires.

What We Humans Can Learn from Cats (and Other Animals)

To my great surprise and sorrow, our four-legged neighbor suddenly left our building as her two-legged "owner" left her apartment here about a month ago. As everyone who has visited Jerusalem probably knows, this city (as well as many other cities in Israel) has many cats on the street. Our neighborhood is no exception.

Since our four-legged neighbor, who used to wait for me every morning at the entrance of my apartment, left us, I've "adopted" one small cat on the street. No, I don't keep him inside my apartment. I simply feed him first thing in the morning. He also started waiting for me every morning at the entrance of my aparment.

Most cats seem quite suspicious of humans when they see us for the first time. The cat I've "adopted" was no exception, but much less than his fellows. When I first saw him, I extended my hand to him. Then he approached me slowly but cautiously. Now he accompanies me everywhere on the street within his seeming "pale of settlement" even after eating his "breakfast". While he is will me, he literally dances, which I can't describe with words.

Having observed these two cats, I've realized a few things we humans can learn from cats (and seemingly other animals, too).

The first - and for me the most important - thing is that they are not trapped in their mind-made prison, paradoxically they aren't intelligent enough to have language. I've already come to a conclusion that language is not only a tool of communication but also the gatekeeper of the mind-made prison. Because of language most humans can't stop conceptualizing everyone and everything they encounter, including themselves.

There are two opposite states in which we aren't trapped in our mind-made prison. The first is to be below our mind, and the second is to be above our mind. Most humans are not only trapped in the middle but also unaware of this fact. I've noticed that many of the otherwise "intelligent" people tend to be trapped in their mind-made prison far more deeply than others as they use their mind, which often uses them instead more frequently. I witness this again and again, including my former colleagues in academia.

The ideal state for humans is to transcend our mind-made prison, but in the present state of our collective ego many will remain "asleep". I myself was totally "asleep" and naturally unware of this very fact. I can't say that I've been fully liberated from my own mind-made prison, but I've been waking up. The more I wake up, or the more aware I become of my own mind-made prison, the less people I find with a common "language".

When I first realized that cats aren't trapped in such a mind-made prison that plagues most humans, this was both a shock and a pleasant surprise. Being surrounded by those who can't help labeling others unconsciously, I find it a great relief to be with other living creatures that don't label me and others. At least once a day for about ten to twenty minutes I can spend time with such a cat.

This seems to lead to their mindfulness in contrast to mindlessness, which is paradoxically one of the most salient characteristics of those who are trapped in their mind-made prison as they are so identified with their thoughts that their speech and action are mindless, that is, unconscious, automatic and reactive.. Cats seem to live (in) the present moment and focus on what they are doing unlike most humans. I practiced mindfulness through meditation and other methods, but I'm still far from the level of mindfulness I see among cats.

I'm also deeply touched by the trust I receive from the cat I've "adopted". He waits for me every morning, trusting that I'll feed him. He must start waiting for me much earlier than five in the morning, when I wake up and feed him. Though I know that this trust comes from his instinctive desire for daily food, cats don't seem to betray us, while I've experienced several betrayals by other humans I trusted.

Totally New Use of Yiddish

After I got divorced from my Yiddish-speaking ex-wife and then from academia, where I occupied myself with Yiddish, among others, my Yiddish remained unemployed for a while. But since I got acquainted with Chabad Chassidus afterwards and started learning it both formally and privately, I've found a totally new use for my Yiddish though a passive one - reading and listening to teachings of three towering Chabad rabbis in Yiddish:

• Likkutei Sichos by Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson (The Lubavitcher Rebbe)
• Tanya Leiyuno by Rabbi Yoel Kahn
• Sipurey tsadikim ('Tales of the Righteous') by Rabbi Yosef Wineberg, author of Lessons in Tanya

What I read and heard in Yiddish in my "prehistory" even seems a total waste of time in comparison to this treasure trove of Jewish life wisdom. I feel it was worth my while to study Yiddish just to get acquainted with these profound teachings.

I wish Yiddishists would also be exposed to them though it might be very difficult for them to understand the special kind of Yiddish in these teachings - full with Hebrew and Aramaic expressions from classical Jewish sources.

In my "prehistory", when I was still a very naive Yiddishist I used to consider Yiddishkeit as part of Yiddishism, but now I definitely consider Yiddishism as part of Yiddishkeit (and the former isn't even an indespensable part of the latter though Yiddish as a kind of תּשמיש-קדושה can greatly enhance one's experience of Yiddishkeit).

I definitely feel more connected to Yiddishkeit in Yiddish than in Modern Hebrew, which has no "Jewish taste" for me in contrast to traditional Ashkenazic Hebrew, in which I daven and read aloud Jewish books since several years ago even before encoutering Chabad Chassidus.

When I first took an interest in Likkutei Sichos a few years ago, this magnum opus seemed too daunting to me, so I started learning it orally with what seems to be the predecessor to The Daily Sicha (and its Android app). I'm going to spend one year in the next Jewish year 5983 with this application as well as Selections from Likkutei Sichos as a preparation for my four-year project of reading through the 39 volumes of Likkutei Sichos, which is written in Yiddish (24 volumes) and traditional Hebrew (15 volumes).

How to Relate to People in a Total Dream State

The majority of human beings are in different degrees of a dream state in that we are identified with our (egoic) thoughts not only about other human beings and the world but also about ourselves. If someone is not only identified with their thoughts but also is unware of this fact, they are in a total dream state.

It's almost a miracle that I woke up from such a total dream state. I can't say yet that I've fully woken up as I still find from time to time how my egoic thoughts try to hijack me. But I can at least identify these attempts and am mostly successful to neutralize them. So unlike before I don't identify myself with this very thought in this blog entry.

A new, no less easy, challenge I've started to face is how to relate to people in a total dream state. The greatest difficulty with them is that I can't make them become aware of what they are unware of by verbal explanations. I encounter the same difficulty in other areas of the so-called unknown of the unknown.

I still wish every once in a while I could become a hermit in some secluded place, but ascetism is not part of Judaism and I can fully understand why - this way we'll deprive ourselves of one of the most precious opportunities for learning and growth.

This understanding doesn't always help me cope with those in a total dream state, especially when they verbalize their thoughts about me by confusing the "book" and the "story" with the "author" and labeling me accordingly. I've noticed that I encounter these people more and more frequently, which must mean that this is an important life challenge I have to cope with for my growth. But recently I've decided to stop trying to explain to them that they are in a total dream state as I've realized that this is totally futile, thus a waste of time.

What perplexes me is that though I'm aware that I'm the "author" (soul) and neither the "book" (body) nor the "story" (life), I'm still bothered by attempts by those in a total dream to label me according these two illusory equations. I'm not sure yet who in me is bothered, but the fact remains that I'm bothered.

I'm still hoping to meet some day at least one person who shares the same "language". One thing I already know for sure is that being frum is no guarantee. I've met so many frum people - probably the majority - who are in a total dream state.

What Is Left of Professional Occupation with Languages and Linguistics

Since I was a child, I have always loved books (and reading). Since I found Hasidism about four and a half years ago and decided to leave academia, a fundamental change has occurred in the kinds of physical books I buy (and read). Of all the physical books (about 450) I've bought in the past four and a half years most concern Chabad Hasidism (about 400).

I live in a relatively small apartment, at least in Israeli terms, so I have a rather limited space for my physical books - I can hold up to about 600 and 900 books in the active and "dead" sections of my personal library in the living room and the bed room respectively.

When I started buying Chabad Hasidic books, my library was already full, so I had to get rid of existing books to make room - I have physically discarded all the volumes of the academic journals I used to subscribe to and left quite a few academic books on languages and linguistics as well as almost all the academic studies of Judaism on the street, hoping they would find new "foster parents".

The most visible change in the past four and a half years has been how more and more books on languages and linguistics have "receded", as it were, from the active to the "dead" section of my library, until I could leave only one shelf (for about 30 books) - in adition to about 100 dictionaries in five languages I still use actively - for what had occupied me professionally for about 30 years since I officially left academia nearly two years ago. These 30 books are practical pedagogical materials for advanced learners of Russian, which means that what is left of my professional occupation with languages and linguistics is the practical study of Russian.

There are four languages I'm truly grateful for having studied - Hebrew, Yiddish, English, and Russian. I use Hebrew and Yiddish for acquiring wisdom, especially in Chabad Hasidism now, English for knowledge and information, and Russian for emotional joy. (And of the other languages I spent many years in learning I find neither interest in nor use for at least two languages - Arabic and Esperanto.)

Russian has been my most beloved language for the past 30 years or so (Hebrew and Yiddish have such an integral part of my life that they are simply beyond love). My "love affair" with Russian started a few years after I started learning it when I was still a PhD student in Hebrew linguistics at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem.

I started to fall in love with Russian paradoxically after I got divorced from a native speaker of Russian. This renewed "love affair" of mine with Russian had nothing to do with nostalgia as I didn't use Russian with her. When I accidentally discovered that I felt such enormous emotional joy in using Russian, whether passively or actively, I resumed my systematic study of what I consider the most beautiful language on this planet.

I still don't understand why I feel such emotional joy in Russian except for its "external" beauty, that is, its sounds. It may сщьу from my emotional attachment to (rich) Russian culture, which I'm reminded of every time I use Russian. And of all the countries I've visited as a tourist I felt most comfortable in Russia, at least in Moscow.

Recently I've found an additional pleasure in my continued study of Russian - reading Chabad Hasidic books in Russian translation (in parallel with their Hebrew or English originals - I have about 50 such Russian translations so far. I'm especially grateful to a unique bookstore in Jerusalem that specializes in Chabad Hasidic books in Russian - Яхад.

Visiting the Tomb of Rabbi Isaac Luria in Safed

Fortunately or unfortunately, I'm very sensitive to the energy, especially the negative one, of people and surroundings. I easily absorb it and may transmit it to others in turn. It was only a few years ago that I became aware of this sensitivity of mine. Several months ago I started to work on this in order to protect myself from the negative energy of people, especially when they speak or behave negatively.

I've started detoxing the accumulated negative energy once a week by spending the last hour before the end of Sabbath by secluding myself in nature. Recently I felt that the negative energy I had absorbed reached my limit, so I was looking for some one-time solution to detox it more fundementally.

Last week I had two signs showing that I should visit the tomb of Rabbi Isaac Luria (also known as "Haari"), who is considered the greatest Kabbalist in them middle ages, in Safed. I always (like to) plan trips well in advance, but this time I improvised a two-day trip to Safed to visit his tomb, hoping that not only the visit itself but other chance encounters in this trip would help me detox the accumulated negative energy.

I reserved a hotel room this Tuesday, went on a 4.5-hour trip the day before yesterday from my apartment on Haari (!) St. in Jerusalem to Safed, and returned here yesterday. I also decided to stay away from news and social media in order to maximize the benefit of this trip.

Upon my arrival in Safed I headed for the Old Cemetery of the city, where Haari is buried. I only checked the place then in preparation for my revisit on the early morning of the following day. As I had expected, there were too many visitors in the afternoon. When I revisided Haari's tomb at the sunrise, I was the only visitor as I had hoped.

There was a sign near his tomb asking all the visitors to follow my commandment when they pray there. I did follow it during my solitary prayer there and decide to do my best to continue to follow it afterwards.

One of the greatest pleasures of any trip for me is to meeting local people "by chance". I was hoping this time that my visit to Haari's tomb and my preparation for it might help me attract people with higher spiritual frequency that I usually encounter. I was right, and the two people I "attracted" far surpassed my expectation.

One is the owner of a Jewish bookstore in the Old City of Safed. I've never entered any other bookstore matching my interest so much as this one - it was full of Chabad books not only Hebrew and English but also in Russian, French and Spanish. It didn't take me long to discover that we have several common acquaintances.

While waiting for my bus at the central bus station of Safed, one woman in my age approached me and started to speak to me in Russian, presumably seeing one of my shoulder bags with contents in Russian. We had a very short conversation in Russian on Kabbalah books in general and her Russian translations in particular. It was a pleasant surprise to see that my spoken Russian had improved, perhaps thanks to my continued daily study of reading aloud Russian texts on Chabad Chassidus and Russian culture. After my return to Jerusalem I checked her website as she had asked me to and found she is not only a translator but also a prolific writer on Kabbalah and Chabad Chassidus.

In short I "attracted" two amazing people in Safed who are closely related to Chabad! Speaking with each of them for several minutes was even enough for me to be affected profoundly. Their presence mattered no less than their spoken words.

Hoping that my visit to Haari's tomb and "chance" encounters would raise the level of my consciousness, I had planned to read on my way back to Jerusalem one profound but difficult teaching by Rabbi Yitzchak Ginsburgh, who is the teacher of some of my Chabad teachers in Jerusalem. It concerns what I consider one of the most important topic in the teachings of Chabad Chassidus - faith and confidence. I was right. This time I could understand this teaching not only conceptually but also, hopefully, non-conceptually. I had to come all the way to the tomb of Isaac Luria in Safed to better understand this important teaching, which will accompany me the rest of my life as my lamplight.

The most important thing I've learned from this trip is my decision to start following one interpersonal commandment written near the tomb as a request for its visitors. It didn't take me long to see its positive effect upon me. When I went out for shopping in preparation for Sabbath, I was surprised to see how my attitude to other people, including strangers, had fundementally changed for the better!

I saw so clearly what the Book of Proverbs says - כמים הפנים לפנים כן לב האדם לאדם 'As water reflects a face [back] to the face [that looks into it], so does the heart of a person [reflect his feelings] to a person [who faces him]', that is, "One who looks into water will see his own face, as in a mirror, and every distortion of his features, whether due to affection or anger, will appear there. Similarly, one's heart reflects back the feelings of another, as a person treats a friend in the same manner in which he is treated by his friend." (commentary by Rabbi Adin Even-Israel Steinsaltz)

Parallel Traps of the Ego and the Mainstream Media

I'm still surprised myself (and feel grateful) that I realized that I and my life had been totally hijacked by the ego until it caused me unbearable suffering and I started to wake up. It was about four and a half years ago. I can't say yet that I've fully awakened, but I can at least notice every time the ego tries to control me, especially my mind, and my life.

Any problem is at its worst when you are unware that you have a problem. Many people, including myself until I started to wake up, seem unaware that they are deeply trapped in the prison of their egoic mind. Nevertheless they continue this life as prisoners of their own egoic mind as their egos haven't given them a fatal blow and made them hit the rock bottom, which in turn gives the egos a fatal blow.

I feel I'm waking up for the first time from the mental prison of the mainstream media in what I consider the most belligerent country in the world and its allies. Several months ago I started to question their narrative and check several conscientious investigative journalists in these countries themselves.

These courageous people, who are often ignored and even silenced in the mainstream media outlets in their own countries, have shown me that I had been totally brainwashed by these media outlets. I've stopped checking mainstream broadcasts, newspapers and newsmagazines in these countried as I've completely lost my trust in them.

Probably the biggest discovery in this process of waking up is that these countries and their mainstream media have been unfairly demonizing quite a few countries and their respective leaders. At least two countries are being demonized in the real time. Naturally, those who only consume such media outlets also demonize these countries and their leaders blindly without actually checking their respective narratives in their originals.

When I recently started to check a few state-owned media outlets in one of these two demozined countries with utmost caution, I was surprised to discover soon that its narrative matches what the above mentioned investigative journalists in the countries that demonize it and sounds far more convincing.

The very fact that some of the state-owned media outlets of this country are censored by those that demonize it (but the former doesn't reciprocate by censuring the latter) paradoxically gives additional credibility to the former and its narrative as it's inconvenient to the latter in brainwashing those who are challenged in their media literacy.

It didn't take me long to notice paralles between those who are trapped in their egoic mind and those who are trapped in the narrative of certain mainstread media outlets. Just as I can't convince that former that they are prisoners, so can't I convince the latter that they are prisoners.

Unfair Demonization of One Social Collective

I've always felt alienated in any social collective since childhood. Every time I had to formally belong to some social collective such as extracurricular clubs at school, I felt suffocated after a few years and left all of them. The last one I left was my former workplace in academia. In retrospect I must have felt suffocated because of the collective egos of all these social collectives.

In spite of all this I recently started to feel even deeper love for one social collective (henceforce A) than before when I came to realize how it was (and still is) demonized unfairly by its archirival (henceforce B) and how deep-rooted B's hatred toward A is. I feel this deep love for A in spite of the fact that I don't belong to it.

I've always felt empathy toward underdogs, whether they are individuals or social collectives. A isn't an underdog in the conventional sense of the word, but it has been treated unfairly as such by B and its "allies".

I myself am surprised to see that my love has deepened not only for A itself but even for its collective ego! I find myself defending A and its collective ego more and more frequently in my arguments with those who demonize it, mostly out of sheer ignorance and concomitant irrational fear.

In the meanwhile I've fully realized what B has been trying to do by demonizing A - the second attempt to "r*pe" (sorry for the expression) A after successfully "r*ping" it for the first time years ago. B's uncontrollable collective ego is simply unbearable. In this new light I can fully understand A's collective behaviors that are also demonized by B and its "allies" as A seems to be one of the few social collectives that can challenge B and prevent B's toxicity from continuing to contaminate other similar social collectives.

Collective Ego

Ego can be not only individual but also collective. Leo Gura, from whom I've been learning and influenced more than any other nondual master except for some Chabad rabbis, defines it as "an irrational self-preservation instinct".

Souls of human beings are coupled with their respective individual egos when they descend to this world, borrowing physical bodies. Our bodies can't survive as purely spiritual beings with no ego.

Any (sufficiently complicated) social collective or system also has an ego known as collective ego. Social collectives can vary from larg-scale ones such as nations to small-scale ones such as families. Culture in the sense of a set of unspoken rules is how the collective ego of a nation and or a state manifests itself.

It may be difficult for you to imagine how social systems can have their respective collective egos. For example, human languages have their collective egos, which are known as normative grammars.

Just as human thought, speech and action can be better understood through the lens of the ego, so can social collectives be. I'd like to briefly demonstrate how collective egos operate in two social collectives in which I was an insider for about 30 years - Esperanto movement and academia.

These two social collectives are especially useful to understand the nature of collective egos simply because few people would imagine, at least if they only think naively, that their collective egos are far more problematic than they seem at first glance because of their superiority complex, which is parallel to the so-called spiritual ego of individuals. And this is one of the main reasons why I've decided to leave both of them after I encountered Chabad Chassidus and other teachings of nonduality and woke up.

The Esperanto movement and academia are similar to each other in that both of them are cult-like and have dogmas, which are not perceived by their respective members as problematic. I wish I were wrong, but having spent about 30 years in both social collectives, I'm quite sure that many of their members seem to believe blindly that their respective social collectives are superior to other language movements and occupations respectively. If this is the case, this very blind faith is nothing but an illusion of their collective egos, which makes their members believe this way to preserve themselves.

Many people who first get acquanited with the idea of Esperanto may be impressed with its "nobleness". But upon closer examination you'll realize that it's not necessarily superior to other ideologies promoting specific ethnic languages as a means of international communication to unify the mankind. The problem is not so far with what language to use for this purpose but the very fact that a specific language is perceived as a possible - or for most Esperantists the best - solution. You have to transcend language for this purpose. They are stuck instead at the same level of consciousness that is causing this problem.

Academia has a set of far more elaborate (and toxic) rules that are imposed explicitly and mostly implicitly upon its members by its collective ego. This toxicity infects the individual egos of many of these members. How does this infection manifest itself most prominently? This collective ego bloats their individual egos. For many of these with bloated egos the happiest moment in life is when they have their papers-shmapers quoted by their fellow in "peer-reviewed" journals. This very institution of peer reviewing their "holy temple" and peer reviewers and its "high priests". I can easily recognize people with bloated egos not only in their speech and action but even in their external appearances, especially in their facial expressions.

PS: I strongly recommend everyone to listen to a two-hour-long online lecture entitled Collective Ego by Leo Gura. I've even listend to it several times.

National Characters of Students

I suddently remembered how I got along with students from various countries. In the longest chapter in my professional life I closed about two years ago - a 30-year-long chapter called academia - I taught students from about 30 countries.

When I talk with specific individuals, I never label them according common stereotypes of national characters. But when I talk about social collectives, including those who live in any politically and/or culturally delimited country, I often allow myself to generalize about their national characters. From my own experience of observing various social collectives, at least 80% of the members of any social collective unconsciously follow most rules of its respective collective ego, which are also known as culture. It's thanks to these people that any social collective can survive.

I remembered students from which country I got along best - Russia! When I first noticed this, I myself didn't understand why. But as I had the same experience again and again with different students from this country, I understood that there might be something that characterized people in general and students in particular from Russia. After making several visits to Moscow, I've come to understand why I felt most comfortable with more students with Russian cultural background than with those with any other cultural background.

Again I'm generalizing. The characteristics I write below may not apply to every student or everyone with this cultural background, but I've met more students with these characteristics from Russia than any of the 30 countries whose students I taught:

• Warmth: Those who have never had any close personal relationship with people from Russia may be surprised to hear that they are so warm. They are! But only after you become close to them, and they open themselves to you. The initial psychological barrier may be impenetrable, but once it has been broken down through mutual friendship and trust, the sky is the limit. On the other hand, people from certain other cultures seem sociable from the very beginning, but the interpersonal distance remains. I realize that they were not so sociable in the first place as they seemed in the beginning and their friendship was rather shallow.
• Intellectual curiosity: This character may be specific to students. This was crucial to me as a teacher. I had a very hard time trying to instigage students with little or no intellectual curiosity. I especially suffered a lot when I taught students from two countries though their respective lack of intellectual curiosity manifested itself in two rather different manners.
• Sense of humor: My method of teaching was highly interactive - I always bombarded my students with questions. I often said rather harsh things, though nothing was personal. In such a case I tried to "detox" the possible poison in my language by using spontaneous humor. Here again students from Russia responded best and in the way I expected them to.

Having written thus far, I recall now with great nostalgia the most unforgettable teaching experience I ever had in my entire academic life. It was when I attended a summer school of linguistics in September 2017 organized by a team of leading typoligists in Moscow with guest speakers from other countries. I only attended this school as a student, but I volunteered to contribue to the entertainment program on the last evening of this unforgettable summer school. I had the chutzpah to teach traditional Ashkenazic folk dance I studied in three workshops taught by my former teacher Walter Zev Feldman. I enjoyed this teaching experience so much as I had never experienced such curiosity and joy in my students!

Four-Legged Neighbor

A few years ago one street female cat started living in the building where I've been living since I moved to Israel about 18 years ago. No tenant of the building keeps her in their apartment, but one tenant simply prepared a "house" for this four-legged neighbor on the staircase.

I don't like to keep four-legged animals at home, and those who have to do so even repel me. But I do like cats as long as they are not indoors. Anyway, our four-legged neighbor is quite special in her unguarded friendliness to two-legged animals. Since I caress her every time I see her outside our building or on its staircase, she has become especially friendly to me (and other tenants like me).

One "fatal mistake" I made recently has made her even more friendly to me. I used to try to share with her some of my favorite foods, but she refused all of them. Recently I finally found something to which she showed an enthusiastic reaction for the first time - Tilapia fillet. I started sharing with her a small portion of what I eat every weekday.

This is a good example of neuroplasticity (or conditioning) at work. When I saw her starting this week to wait for me every morning and mew in front of my apartment, wanting her breakfast from me, I realized that I made a "fatal mistake". Since then I've been telling myself that I should stop giving her food every day, but every time I see her waiting for me in the morning, I easily succumb to the temptation.

Somehow I can't talk to cats (and dogs) except in Russian. Though it's only my sixth language in terms of fluency, it's my most favorite language, especially when it comes to expressing endearments. Russian can't compete with any of the other five languages I speak more fluently because of its abundant diminutives for endearments.

It's so soothing to interact with cats in general and this one in particular, especially after I saw so clearly that most two-legged animals are deeply trapped in their mind-made prison, and constantly and unconsciously label not only their fellow two-legged animals but also everything else. I'm simply so tired of being labelled by others.

In this respect, the custom of giving personal names to animals seems so absurd, as if this matterd to them. This is a very subtle form of labelling that even borders on madness. When I still worked in academia, I was interested in onomastics, but since I realized the dark aspect of naming, I've completely lost my interest in onomastics, too.

When I talk to cats (and dogs) in Russian, I don't label them but am simply immersed in the emotions its sounds evoke to me.

Urgent Need to Learn Self-Defense against Negativity

Being an empath, I'm sensitive to negativity and prone to absorb it quite easily. I'm especially sensitive to collective negativity that dominates any group. When I was exposed to such collective negativity about a year ago for a few hours, I had to spend half a day the following day in bed to restore my positive energy.

Quite a few people, including some of my former coaching clients themselves, have asked me how I cope with the negativity of coaching clients in the first few sessions in which they are asked to share with me the problems they are facing and want to solve. To my surprise, I've never absorbed this specific negativity. I seem to have learned instinctively to be compassionate instead of remaining empathic.

Recently I experienced (again after a long while) a few incidents of the same type in which I absorbed the negativity of individuals, and in one case I had to spend several hours in bed to restore my positivity. Now I feel an urgent need to defend myself agaist the negativity of not only social collectives but also of individuals.

As far as the negativity of individuals is concerned, I started some time ago to distance myself from not only negative people but also narcissists and those who say stupid things. This has helped me keep my peace of mind, at least online.

The recent few incidents in which I absorbed individual negativity involved people I know who started an argument with me about controversial issues about which we have opposite views. I couldn't just walk away from them. I was dragged into the negative spiral of escalating arguments with them instead.

I've encountered and will encounter such people. One thing I know for sure is that I can't change them and their opinioins. So the biggest challenge I'm facing now for self-defense against this specific type of negativity is to learn to deal with people who have absolute (blind) faith in themselves and aren't open to other opinions. I can only change myself, or to be more precise, my thoughts and the way I respond to them (instead of reacting to them). I don't know yet how.

Strange Feeling of Wisdom Flowing from Somewhere Else

When I still worked in academia, the greatest torture was writing academic papers-shmapers. I had to wrack my brain for hours to squeeze a few sentences out of it. For this problem it took me as long as ten years to finish writing my PhD dissertation. This constant struggle was a kind of mental constipation (sorry for the expression).

Since I officilly left academia in September 2020, I've started to write about something totally different - life wisdom I've acquired from studying Hasidism and other teachings of non-duality as well as from direct life experiences. I've started to experience with growing intensity a strange feeling as if wisdom I try to share with others flew from somewhere else and I were serving as a mere channel.

In academic writing I seem to have felt that language limits me, while now in this totally new kind of writing I feel that I defy the limitations of language as what I try to do is to verbalize what transcends language. And in the former I think, while in the latter thinking thinks, as it were.

I can only guess why this happens, but the most important thing is that I experience neither torture nor mental constipation any more when i write! This may be an example of what Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi calls "flow" or optimal experience.

I've already experienced such "flow" in an area which has nothing to do with thinking and language (in its conventional sense) - dancing. When I start dancing, waves of my otherwise incessant thinking simply stop completely and my body starts flowing with no mental hindrance.

Based on this prior experience I used to think that "flow" involves transcendence of language, but to my surprise, the experience I've talked about here is closely related to language.

Falling in Love with One Country and Its Rich Culture

Quite unexpectedly, I find myself falling in love - not in someone but in one country and its rich culture. I've been interested in this country for many years, but this is the first time that I feel such love for it and its culture.

This country doesn't seem especially popular in the world. Actually, one other coutry, or to be more precise, its "decadent" half has hated it actively. It's the renewed - even intensified - unjustified hatred of the latter country toward the former that has aroused this love of mine.

As someone else who also feels as I do writes, the culture of the latter, or again at least of its "decadent" half, seems so immature, shallow and even sick compared to the culture of the former.

This week I even opened an account in the most popular native social media platform of this beloved country. I only follow some 20 "communities" about its rich culture, including its language and books, in this national language. I enjoy this platform much more than the other three I use - Facebook, Twitter, and Telegram. It has become my online cultural refuge.

Some may say I'm just idealizing this country because I don't live there, so may not be aware of its problems. I did visit it, or to be more precise, its capital, several times in the past (and loved it!). I'm also fully aware of its problems, including one serious mental and one no less serious sociocultural problems plaguing its people for a long time.

Though I completely lost my interest in literature some time ago, I'm even starting to relearn the history of the rich literature of this country. I may finally start reading in the original one of the most important masterpieces written in its national language.

Complementary (Passive) Use of Multiple Social Media Platforms

It's about one month since I stopped using Facebook as a means of personal communication, that is, I stopped posting updates on my personal ("profile") page on Facebook, deleted all the past posts and unfriended everyone equally. But I still continue to use Facebook not only for my business page there for advertising and also for about 200 other business pages for spiritual and cultural nourishment. The three main categories of the business pages I follow for this purpose are Chabad Hasidism, nondual spirituality, and culture of one country I'm falling in love with anew.

I don't miss my previous active use of Facebook for personal communication as I had few meaningful communication there. Since my personal use of Facebook became passive, I've restored my daily peace of mind and realized how much damage that meaningless personal "communication" caused to my mind. I don't miss personal updates by other users as many of them were for instant gratifications.

After this meaningful shift in my use of Facebook I started using, of course only passively, two other social media platforms - Twitter and Telegram channels.

I never imagined I would use Twitter because of its terrible *eftist censorship. But on the very day when Elon Musk announced his acquision of this social media platform I decided to join it, hoping he would change the very nature of Twitter and its algorithm. I only follow about 20 individuals, organizations and companies to receive warnings about online privacy and freedom. I especially appreciate tweets by Elon Musk and Glenn Greenwald. I myself don't tweet.

Telegram is an instant messanger, but its channels serve as a social media platform, which I use complementarily for the so-called investigative journalism as I've lost my trust in mainstream media outlets because of their covert censorship and bias. I only follow about ten individuals, including The Duran, The Grayzone, The New Atlas, and Truth In The News.

I'm also waiting for the opening of Truth Social to users outside North America and of Android. I've already made a list of about ten conservative politicians and political commentators I admire I'd like to follow in this new social media platform.

Making complementary use of multiple social media platforms for different purposes helps me keep another type of mental health. For example, when I only want to nourish my mind, I only check Facebook. Here is a summary of this complementary passive use:

• Facebook business pages: Chabad Hasidism, nondual spirituality, and culture of one country I'm falling in love with anew
• Twitter: online privacy and freedom
• Telegram channels: investigative journalism
• Truth Social: political conservatism

Aliya of a Good Old Friend and Her Family from Moscow

I witnessed one historic moment this week. A good old friend of mine in Moscow made aliya with her husband and their two children! I was honored to accompany their first step in Jerusalem.

I used to think they would be among the last Jews who would leave Russia partly because they have good jobs in Moscow. She surprised me about a month ago by sharing with me their decision to leave Russia for Israel for a number of reasons. I was even more surprised to hear that they had started planning this fateful process several years ago.

I myself am an immigrant to Israel, so I know what it's like to make aliya. But my case may not be so typical. When I officially immigrated here, I was already living here with a stable job and was already fluent in Hebrew. I was also very familiar with native Israeli culture though I've never got used to it until now.

I was impressed first and foremost with their courageous decision. I'm not so sure whether I could take such courage if I were in their place, especially because I love Moscow and even thought of emigrating there from Israel.

What really impressed me while accompanying this historic moment of theirs was how warmly and wholeheartedly so many people we met on the street etc. welcomed and blessed them. Even I, who am rather critical of Israel, especially culturally, was filled with joy and pride of being part of this country.

Importance of Media Literacy

It was in 2002 that I understood the importance of media literacy for the first time. Back then I realized how I had been brainwashed by the mainstream media about one controversial issue between two countries. Until then I naively believed one narrative repeated by one of these states and even supported uncritically by the mainstream media of the other country. I happened to check the other narrative by the minority of people in this second country. To my surprise, the more I read about this issue, the more utter lies and distortions I found in the first narrative. Now more and more people, not only in the second country but even in the first, support the second narrative.

When another controversial issue arose in 2020 that interested me no less, I checked two opposing narratives of both parties involved within one country. Here again I found what the mainstream media repeated less trustworthy.

Since about two months ago I've been experiencing what amounts to the third controversial issue for me, which affects us much more than the above mentioned two issues. I was stupid enough to blindly believe the narrative by many mainstream media outlets, which have been repeating what one of the two parties involved in the issue has been claiming. But after a while I also started checking the narrative of the other party involved, and this time I also started checking analyses by several third-party investigative journalists.

Little by little I've come to realize, to my amazement, what these journalists analyze matches the narrative of the second party. All the supporters of the first narrative I've met and spoken to categorically laugh off the second narrative as the propaganda of the second party without knowing anything about this second narrative except what they heard through the extremely colored lens of the first party. So this very categorization of theirs seems to me to be nothing but the propaganda of the first party they believe uncritically.

I must still belong to the minority over this ongoing issue. I'm especially struck with the sincerity and integrity of one of the investigators I've been following. This is the second time that he has decided to speak up for truth while the whole world may be against him. I've just discovered that when he did this for the first time in 2007, he was literally the lonely voice and many influencial people seem to have discredit him in an unfair matter. But later investigations have proven that he was right. I've never read or heard more thorough and convincing analysis and argument than his.

Compared to him, many so-called journalists in mainstream media outlets and many self-proclaimed experts look like ignoramuses as none of them seems to have studied one crucial aspect of this issue, which he not only studied but even experienced first-hand. His prediction about how this issue will come to an end is clearcut. Time will tell, hopefully soon, whether he is right again or not.

In the meanwhile I see that a number of individuals and organizations who support the first narrative have been trying to discredit him again, which for me is an eloquent proof that these people are desperate in trying to hide from the public what is not convenient to their narrative.

Farewell to Facebook as a Means of Personal Communication

I started using for the first time in August 2016 right after I got married. But having seen that it had a negative impact on our married life, I stopped using it after six months. When I had to start using it again in July 2018, my original intention was only to start a business page for my new business of Jewish life coaching. But right after I reopened my Facebook account I was innundated with friend requests. So I told myself why not and wad dragged into using it rather unconsciously for the purpose I hadn't originally intended - personal communication with "friends".

Earlier this week I made a conscious decision to rectify what I came to consider as a costly mistake. The mistake was costly as it cost me my mental wellbeing. Facebook as a means of personal communication became the main source of my daily stress because of a huge gap I felt between the kind of online communication I had desired and what I experienced in reality.

It didn't take me a long time that most people I made "friends" with on Facebook, including those I also know offline, have a totally different, seemingly unconscious, agenda in their use of Facebook for personal communication with their respective "friends" - mutual instant gratification of their ego, which was and still is the last thing I wanted and the first thing I wanted to evade.

Nevertheless it took me almost three years to make this conscious decision to stop using Facebook for personal communication. During this period I had an illusory hope that I might be able to have the kind of meaningful personal communication with enough of my "friends". I had only one such person with whom I could have such communication on a regular basis - one of my ex-teachers in Chabad Chassidus.

Before making this decision I minimized the number of people I remained in touch with personally on Facebook. The maximal number of "friends" I had on Facebook was about 150, which happens to be the so-called Dumber's number. By the time I made the above mentioned decison I had reduced the number of "friends" to about 50. In spite of that the posts of most of them didn't interest me as they seemed to have stemmed from their ego for instant gratifications. I'm sure that this feeling was mutual. Most of them must have found my posts boring.

Unfortunately, I couldn't stop using Facebook completely as I have to continue using it for my business page there to market my rather new private business of Jewish life coaching. But I could finally gett rid of that part of my use of Facebook that had a negative impact on my mental wellbeing. In this process I deleted all my posts and unfriended everyone equally.

Though it's only a few days since I stopped using Facebook for personal communication, I already feel enormous improvement in the way I feel and function in my daily life - far better!

Of course, I'm not denying the use of Facebook for personal communication categorically. It may be useful for certain people. It simply wasn't and isn't for me. If you are like me and thiking of stopping your personal, if not professional, use of Facebook, you may also benefit from two YouTube clips I listened to again and one book I read again before making this decision: What Do You Think about Facebook by Eckhart Tolle and Quit Social Media by Cal Newport; Ten Arguments for Deleting Your Social Media Accounts Right Now by Jaron Lanier.

This decision is also in tune with my annual ritual of finding a personal "exodus from Egypt" during the Passover (we'll start the seventh of the Passover this evening). My "Egypt" this time was Facebook. Peace.

Soul, Body, and Life

Rabbi DovBer Pinson, who is a renowned Chabad rabbi and prolific writer, explains the relationship between the soul, the body, and life so beautifully: the soul is the author, the body is the book, and life is the story. Some time ago I myself came to the same realization as this metaphor. Since then I've gradually been liberated from my mind-made prison. But ironically, I've come to encounter more and more lack of understanding by those I dare to share this realization of mine with.

Many of them seem to understand at least conceptually that they are not "their" body, but when it comes to actual behaviors, most of them seem to speak and behave as if they were "their" body, and they seem to project the same illusion to other people.

I haven't met more than ten people in my entire life who are not only trapped in the confusion of the "story" with the "author" but also behave accordingly toward both themselves and others. This "story" of life is actually a large collection of substories, including birth, death and everything in between that our soul experiences through the "book".

Here again I feel how powerless language is in conveying something non-conceptual that resists verbalization. So if you don't understand what I tried to explain conceptually, please don't blame yourself. Hopefully, you'll soon be able to understand non-conceptually through your direct experience what I mean and appreciate the above metaphor.

Conceptualization vs. Direct Experience

One of the most important roles of our intelligence is thinking, and one of the most important roles of our thinking is conceptualization. One great danger lies in conceptualization - the moment we conceptualize something (or someone), we label them instead of directly experiencing them and have an illusion as if we understood them. The truth is that there is a fundamental gap between knowing about something (or someone) and knowing them.

Let me give a couple of examples that show the fundamental difference between conceptualization and direct experience. The menu at a restaurant is conceptualization, and actually eating foods that are in this menu is direct experience. Nobody can satisfiy their hunger just by looking at the menu. Similarly, hno matter ow many books someone has read about love, they will never know love as long as they have no experience of loving someone else or being loved by someone else.

The fundamental difference between conceptualization and direct experience must be apparent in these two exmaples. But the confusion between the two often occurs, especially when the conceptualization in question is very abstract and elaborate. Then a map is confused with a territory.

This confusion becomes especially subtle when it comes to religions (especially their mystical traditions) and spirituality for spiritual direct experience constitutes their very foundation and it refuses conceptualization.

Let's take another example. If we conceptualize Hasidism by defining it as Jewish mysticism, we only know about it, but we don't know it without directly experiencing it, nor will this knowledge become life wisdom.

The so-called academic research of religions, including Judaism, and spirituality, is especially problematic as it excluse personal spiritual direct experience as part of its methodology. How can we truly understand love just by reading and talking about it without directly experiencing it? Such knowledge won't be able to make our life truly meaningful, either.

If someone thinks that the intellect is the highest human faculty, they are completely wrong. There are two types of what the intellect can't comprehend - what is below the intellect, such as superstitions and some dogmas, and what transcends it. Spiritual direct experience transcends the intellect.

Knowledge becomes wisdom only if it's applied to our daily life as direct experience. Words that are based on direct experience can even transcend their very limitation. The truth is that the Chabad branch of Hasidism uses language to transcend the intellect. This is like using diamond to polish itself.

PS: This post is a bold attempt to conceptualize the inherent problem of conceptualization with no direct experience.

Clearing Family Karma

Empaths are often the bearers of light in a family. As you awaken to your sensitivities and heal, you may find that you're the one chosen to break generational family patterns of dysfunction or abuse. Part of being an empowered empath is building your confidence and self-esteem. You learn to set boundaries when someone treats you disrespectfully. By saying no to family members or others who don't support your sensitivities or highest self, you are helping to stop ongoing negative patterns.

In Buddhism, karma is the destiny you earn through actions and behaviors. What you give is what you get. Though you may not have consciously volunteered to change your family's karma, it only takes one courageous person in a lineage to stop repeating harmful patterns. This monumental decision will benefit your life and also the lives of generations to come.

- Judith Orloff (Thriving as an Empath: 365 Days of Self-Care for Sensitive People, March 18)

When I reached this daily portion in my daily reading of this book, I felt as if the author were talking about me (and to me) and realized so clearly why I had never wanted to have my own children even by paying a very heavy price for this refusal - I wanted unconsciously to stop passing harmful patterns I had "inherited" from both paternal and maternal sides. Even though I'm conscious of this decision, I know this is a unhealthy idea, but I couldn't help otherwise when I was faced with a thorny dilemma to choose between two options - to have or not to have my own children.

Ironically, thanks to one of the toxic mental and behavioral patterns that must have been in my family karma for generations and made me decide not to have my own children, I could put an end to this family karma. It was when this toxic pattern caused unbearable suffering to myself and people close to me. Then the suffering became totally unbearable, I started to wake up.

Since then I've been working on myself through the study of Chabad Hasidism and other non-Jewish teachings of nonduality. I seem to have got rid of many of the toxic mental and behavioral patterns that were in my family karma. Even if not, I'm at least fully aware of them when those toxic patterns that may still remain emerge.

Even after clearing my family karma to a large extent and even if I should have a "co-creator", I'm not interested to have my own children for a totally different reason now. What we perceive as human beings seem to me now as divine sparks from the same Source. Separateness and individuality are illusions. So I have no reason to stick to my own biological children. All of us as souls that borrow physical bodies are interconnected. I'd rather spend the rest of my life helping others who come in touch with me to understand and embrace this simple truth.

(Not) Visiting Moscow

I visited Moscow for the first time in July 2006 for an academic reason - to participate in the Eighth Congress of the European Association of Jewish Studies held in Moscow. I grew up, so to speak, with the Iron Curtain, so I never imagined that I would someday visit Russia. I felt hope for a better future, at least in Moscow, for ordinary citizens in general and Jewish life and Jewish studies in particular. I was right. Since then I've followed Jewish life and Jewish studies in Russia, mainly in Moscow with great interest. Both seem to have flourished gradually but steadily.

My next visit to Moscow was in December 2015 for a totally unexpected private reason and continued to make several visits to the city for the same private reason for about a year and a half. My last visit was in September 2017.

Since then I planned a number of times to visit Moscow. Then the pandemic started. I had to postpone my plan several times. Then something totally unexpected happened on February 24 this year, which has put the Iron Curtain anew after three decades of free traffic. Russia has become isolated again, and this time even worse than it used to be under Communism.

The more I continued reading and watching on Moscow, the more I came to be fascinated by it. Now I seem to know more about Moscow than about any Israeli city other than Jerusalem.

What I like best in Moscow is its book culture. I miss a couple of general bookstores there. While waiting for my next visit there, I started buying electronic books in Russian. Now this humble of joy of mine has also been shattered as I can't pay with my non-Russian credit card and PayPal. I've also been dreaming of visiting the bookstore section of a Chabad publisher and spending a Sabbath at one Chabad shul I fell in love with when I visited it in one of my private visits to the city.

As of now, I don't know at all when I'll be able to visit Moscow next time, but naturally, this "problem" is dwarfed in comparison with the worsening economic and other situations of ordinary citizens in Moscow and the other places in Russia, who are actually hostages in a sense.

Illusion of Homaranismo by Zamenhof

Those who know or have heard that Zamenhof, who initiated a "universal" language" named Esperanto, also initiated a "universal" quasi-religion named Homaranismo, or a watered-down version of Judaism without practical halakha. Followers of this quasi-religion claim and seem to believe blindly that they are human beings.

I wonder how many of them are aware and whether Zamenhof himself was aware that even this identity/identification, which may impress many people who hear it for the first time, is nothing but an illusion of the ego, which is an ultimate illusion in itself.

It took me several years of studying Hasidism and other non-Jewish teachings of nonduality to realize this. The soul is our essence, and it has no identity, including the one as a human being.

Zamenhof came to this idea as one of the two possible solutions to the interethnic conflicts he had witnessed in his childhood. It may be much better than nationalism, but they are essentially the same in that they are both based on the illusion of the ego, whether individual or collective.

Zamenhof dreamed of unifying the mankind through Homaranismo as well as Esperanto, but actually, we as souls are already unified. Einstein said, "No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it." All we have to do is to change our level of consciousness. Believing blindly that our ultimate identity is as human beings only hinders this change.

Studying Hasidism and/or other teachings of nonduality is far more effective for this change. Both Homaranismo and Esperanto only keep us stuck with the same illusion of the ego, hence the same problem created by the ego they try to solve.

PS: Language is also the gatekeeper of our egoic mind, so even Esperanto can't help us transcend our ego. The true problem is not whether the language is "universal/neutral". Both Zamenhof and Esperantists totally miss this point.

Unconscious Mental Labeling

Mankind must be unique among all the living creatures in that the current default state of most of its members is to be trapped in the prison made by their egoic mind. Language, which distinguishes human beings from the other living creatures, is a double-edged sword: on the one hand, it has made us what we are, but on the other hand, it has put most of us in to the mind-made prison where it serves as its gatekeeper. This problem causes us sufferings that are theoretically avoidable, but the more serious problem is that most human beings are unaware of this very problem.

One of its symptoms is unconscious mental labeling through the intermediary of the gatekeeper of the mind, which is supposed to be our servant but has hijacked many of us as our master. One of the main functions of language is to articulate the world, which is essentially a unitary whole with no divisions. By making artificial divisions through labeling, we give these divisions lives of their own in our mind, confusing labels with reality. Mental labeling helps us know about someone or something, but it prevents us from truly knowing them.

I haven't met more than a handful of living human beings who seem not only aware of unconscious mental labeling as the current state of most human beings but also free from it. I was a life convict in my mind-made prison for decades, mentally labeling everyone and everything, mostly negatively, and causing sufferings to myself and people around me. Paradoxically, it was when these sufferings became unbearable to myself that I woke up for the first time in my life and realized that I had been confined in my mind-made prison.

Since this first realization about four years ago I've been liberating myself from it gradually but steadily. I can't say I've completely stopped labeling others, but when I do so from time to time unconciously, I can immediately became aware of this and undo what I have done. I can also identify unconscious mental labeling by others, especially when it's directed to what they consider who and what I am, which are illusions of their mind.

My biggest challenge right now is how to cope with such unconscious mental labeling by others. I used to react rather emotionally, which ironically shows that I was no less deeply trapped in the mind-made prison than they are. I haven't come up yet with effective ways to make these people aware of what they must have been doing unconsciously their entire life, while keeping my equanimity.

Parallel Texts for Language Study

In one of my last visits to Moscow - probably sometime in 2016 - I got acquainted with a genre of texts called parallel texts. This genre seems very popular for language learners in Russia. You can see the original text in the source language and its translation in the target language side by side on every page.

The first parallel text I bought during that visit is Россия: Иллюстрированная энциклопедия / Russia: The Illustrated Encyclopedia. But I bought it not because it's a parallel text but because its content interested me. Since then I read it through a few times. Since a couple of months ago I've been reading it for the third time to improve my Russian.

Having realized some benefits of parallel texts for language study, I've decided to add two more parallel texts to my daily study of Russian: Reading Crime and Punishment in Russian; װען לאַכט אַ ייִד / Когда евреи смеются.

Since I don't have any other genuine parallel text with interesting contents, I've come up with the idea of using sets of originals and translations as quasi-parallel texts to improve my Russian in many other areas of knowledge. I open two books side by side - one in English, Hebrew or Yiddish original, and the other in Russian translation. I started my first experiement with להבין חסידות and Учение Хасидизма several months ago. This method also works very well.

I've already prepared the following sets to read in the next one or two years: גוט שבת מוסקבה and Гут шабес Москва; דער בעל-תּשובֿה and Раскаявшийся; צמח אַטלאַס 1 / צמח אַטלאַס 2 and Цемах Атлас; A New Earth and Новая земля; The Fall and Скачок; Five Regrests of the Dying and Пять откровений о жизни; Helping People Change and Как помочь людям измениться; How to Change and Как меняться; Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway and Бойся... но действуй; Getting Things Done and Как привести дела в порядок; No Self, No Problem and Нет Эго, нет проблем; Man's Search for Meaning and Сказать жизни «Да!»; The 100-Year Life and Эпоха долголетия; Nonviolent Communication and Ненасильственное общение.

The greatest benefit of using parallel texts for language study is that I'm provided with context-specific equivalents of the Russian words in English, Hebrew or Yiddish. I still have to consult dictionaries, but these equivalents can do far more that conventional dictionaries can do. Another benefit is that I pay far more attention to the contents of each book than I read it in English, Hebrew and Yiddish since each word still matters in Russian as I'm not so fluent in it yet. I also feel that I'm studying through Russian rather than studying Russian. The first Russian book I read from cover to cover - Как перестать учить иностранный язык и начать на нем жить - promotes this very idea.

Conceptual Knowledge vs. Nonconceptual Wisdom

I think I understand even more clearly now the fundamental limitations of linguistics and academic studies of Judaism and my concomitant total loss of interest in them. These limitations may also apply to other areas of intellectual occupations, which I haven't experienced directly (thus I prefer not to generalize). This is in sharp contrast with teachings and practices of nonduality, including Chabad Chassidus. This contrast can be summarized in one phrase as that between conceptual knowledge, which is limited by our linguistic faculty, which by nature is dualistic vs. nonconceptual wisdom, which transcends this linguistic duality.

The following is yet another rather contradictory attempt to explain the fundamental limitations of these dualistic occupations with the help of a dualistic tool called language.

The true, first-tier, reality of the universe seems to defy any attempts to understand it purely conceptually, especially using a language without being aware of its dualistic limitations.

Linguistics and academic studies of Judaism, among others, seem to occupy themselves with the second-tier reality instead. The moment we label something (or someone in this respect, too) linguistically without accompanying direct experiences, we distance ourselves maximally from the first-tier reality. In other words, the more conceptual knowledge we accumulate, the more distant we seem to become from nonconceptual understanding. We can spend our whole life trying to know as much as possible about honey, for example, but we can never fully know it unless we directly experience it, that is, taste it.

My conclusion so far after spending about four years studying Chabad Chassidus, partly in a formal setting and partly by myself, as well as other nondual teachings by myself is that by merely occupying ourselves with the second-tier reality we don't seem to be able to reach the first-tier reality, nor nonconceptual wisdom.

All the linguistic ideologies, including Yiddishism and Esperantism, which used to occupy me for more than three decades, as well as nondualistic religious dogmas seem to suffer from these fundamental limitations.

Unfortunately, few of these people, including linguists and scholars of Judaism, seem to be fully aware of these limitations. But on the other hand, one can also say that thanks to this unawareness of theirs they may still be able to occupy themselves with these academic and non-academic activities. As for me, I've already had enough to continue wasting my time. But I just want to stress here that this doesn't mean that I delegitimize these activities. They are not simply for me any more.